Posted in Nursing

But You Are

My sweet baby boy,

We walk to your room…to bedtime.

And I hold my breath.

I place you on your changing table, stripping you of your dinner-stained clothes. I change your diaper and softly sing “You Are My Sunshine.”

And I hold my breath.

I pull clean jammies from your drawer and pull the top over your head, thread your legs through the pants.

And I hold my breath.

We collect your pacifier and settle into your rocking chair.

I feel the weight of your 18-month old body as you rest against me.

I sing you the ABC song.

And I hold my breath.

I ask you, “Matthew, would you like some milk?”

And you shake your head no.

You touch my cheeks with your chubby hands and rest your smooth forehead on mine and melt into me.

You sit up, look me in the eye and then press your face against mine and sigh.

You’re done.

And I don’t feel ready.

But you do.

You do.

So, I hold you.

And I whisper I love yous.

Together, we redefine this bedtime dance.

You need me still. I know that.

I’m not ready, but you are.

So we are done.

I will follow your lead, my darling boy.

I will trust that you know what is right.

But I will count on those moments with you where you touch my cheek and offer me your full weight.

And I hold my breath.

Always yours,




Sweet Matthew,

Today was a tough day for mommy.

I had to make a decision that impacts you and it hurts my heart.

Mommy and Daddy are trying to make a baby brother or sister for you.

But, we’re not having any luck.

Mommy still nurses you in the morning and at night and those quiet moments with you are amongst my favorites of the entire day.

For nearly 18 months, we have greeted and closed the day nursing and connecting with one another.

But now, we will begin the day differently. With hugs and snuggles. With giggles and smiles.

We want so badly to give you another sibling.

Another person that you can lean on.

Another person to make you laugh.

Another person to love you when Mommy and Daddy are no longer here.

So, we will nurse a bit less to see if that helps.

It hurts me to take from you so that I can give to you.

We will still nurse at night and I will savor those moments with you.

My sweet boy. You will always be my baby.


I promise you.


I love you, sweet Matthew,


Small Moments Spotlight #8

This week, in the Small Moments Spotlight, I have just one post to share.

One absolutely perfect post.

One post filled with gorgeous small moments.

One post brimming with love.

Please go read at the end of the tunnel and leave Yulia a comment…she is so incredibly lovely. She is dynamic and eclectic, tender and true.

I am elated to call Yuliya my friend…both online and in real life.

I count her amongst my many blessings.

Please go read…

If you have submitted a piece and it isn’t featured here, that doesn’t mean it won’t be in the future.

If you should notice a small moment post, or if you’ve written one yourself, please use my “contact me” tab (over there on the left under “site links”) and send me the link; I’d love to read it.

If you’ve been featured here and would like to have the Small Moments Spotlight button, let me know and I’ll send it your way.


Bittersweet Changes

Dear Sweet Matthew,

When Katie was a baby, I delayed solids until I felt increasing  pressure from others to introduce her to cereal.  I held my ground until she was 8 months old, when I caved because her pediatrician suggested that I have her iron levels tested.  The thought of a blood draw was enough for me to cringe and immediately introduce her to cereal. 

Though she liked eating and did well, I have always second guessed that decision and wondered if I should have held out a bit longer.  Before you were born, I decided that I would wait until you were 12 months old to begin solids. 

For the past couple of weeks, you have been wanting to nurse every two hours and have seemed truly unsettled after nursing.  You have also begun waking up at 5:30 every morning to nurse.  You’ve been crying so often and lunging for me, hoping to eat.

So, after a great deal of internal debate, we did this:

And you absolutely loved it. 

You get so excited when we place you in your high chair.  You smile between every bite and you are happier throughout the entire day.  You were hungry and it breaks my heart that my determination to make it to a certain date kept me from doing what was right for you earlier than I did. 

As much as I know that you were ready for solids, I can’t express how sad it makes me.  You are quite possibly our last baby and with each milestone that you reach, you are less my baby. 

Nursing is such an emotional experience, one that unites us in such an amazing way.  And if I’m honest, I have to admit that I like that I have been giving you something that no one else could.  We never gave you a bottle, so every single bit of your nourishment up to this point has come directly from me. 

You were 8 months and 12 days old when you first had cereal. 

And for 8 months and 12 days, I could look at you and know that it was my milk that helped you to grow and to thrive.

I love you, Matthew, and I am so grateful for the connection that we have.  I promise to always do what is best for you, even if it isn’t the easy choice for me.

With love and snuggles,


About me

Nichole Beaudry @NicholeBeaudry Location: Northern California
Each and every day, I strive to appreciate the wonder, beauty, and whimsy in the small moments, the moments that, when strung together, form a lifetime.
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