Posted in Gratitude

The familiar nudge of contentment…

boy at rivercats game, boy in Giants t-shirt, kids and baseball gamesThe first nudge came on Friday, as I stood between the rows of grapevines, just dripping with the juicy, green grapes of this year’s harvest. As my friend Lisa so generously took some new headshots for me there in the golden sunshine, I felt something familiar.

Yesterday–the first full day that my family has been together in nearly two weeks–that feeling gently pushed at me, softly whispering, “hey…remember me?”

Last night, as we sat on an expanse of freshly cut grass, watching our local minor league baseball team play, I held Matthew in my arms and watched Craig with Katie, explaining the game to her and it tugged at me with a bit more force. As the sun went down and I listened to each crack of the bat and cheer from the crowd, I was truly lost in the moment.

Then this morning, I cleaned out the kids’  toy closet, cleaned and organized my kitchen cabinets and danced in the living room with my babies, it suddenly occurred to me exactly what that feeling is.

It’s happiness. Contentment. Joy.

It has been a while since this feeling has been so incredibly pure…so without the “yeah, buts.”

I’m not ready to say that we’re done trying for our third baby, but what I felt this weekend brought me closer to being able to let that dream go and actually being okay with that.

Time has helped to soothe the painful, sharp edges of our 18-month long battle with secondary infertility. My two babies and my amazing husband are more than I could have ever dreamed of.

And it feels so good to be here…in this beautiful moment.

Blissful.

Grateful.

Peaceful.

 

Finally…the big girl bed

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. –Henry Ellis

Well, I couldn’t fight it any longer.

I fought the good fight…really I did.

But, I finally caved to the big girl bed.

And Katie truly couldn’t be happier.

Today, on Practicing Gratitude, I’m sharing what finally convinced me it was time to make the move.

Come by to see how it is that I found the strength to let Katie grow up just a little bit.

big girl bed, transitioning to big bed, pottery barn bedding, pottery barn kids

big girl bed, transitioning to big bed, pottery barn bedding, pottery barn kids

big girl bed, transitioning to big bed, pottery barn bedding, pottery barn kids

daughter, quotes about daughters

Right before my eyes

The past sixteen months of my life have been lived in two-week increments.

Infertility does that to you. It robs you of the present and leaves you wishing away weeks of your life, placing all of your hope on something that might never be.

The past several months have been particularly painful. Time is slipping through our fingers and I have felt us running out of time.

But, life has a funny way of handing you something when you truly need it.

I was recently invited to create a Mother’s Day photo book with Snapfish and although I’ve made them for others, I don’t yet have one of my own, so I jumped at the opportunity.

And as I sifted through our nearly 17,000 (!) photos, I could almost feel Katie’s tiny baby hands in my own…

Those toes…oh those toes.

She smelled like sugar and somehow she felt simultaneously light and heavy in my arms.

Though I often think about her infancy, it’s more as a whole. How she nursed, drooled, and wooed me with her smile. As I looked through the photos, the small details came rushing back.

Her skin was so creamy and soft and those rosy cheeks simply required constant kissing.

When I came upon these photos of her first camping trip, I smiled at the thought that, at one year old, this was the first time I let her get dirty and she loved every single filthy second of it.

These beads were her favorite accessory for weeks, yet somehow I forgot about them until I saw this photo.

Katie’s hair now reaches all the way down her back. This picture of her teeny ponytails still melts my heart.

I had forgotten about this day in my bathroom when she came in to show me her tutu and slipper ensemble.

By this time, I was pregnant with Matthew. I remember thinking that Katie was such a big girl then, but when I look at these photos, all I see is baby.

And then, this angel entered our lives, bringing with him a joy beyond my wildest dreams…

There are a handful of photos that transport me back completely. I love this one of Katie running and squealing.

Oh…the snow. And the joy. I loved that the Snapfish layout allowed me to use so many photos from this series that we took on our weekend at the mountains.

These two children have shown me happiness that I could have never imagined.

They are everything…they are what matters.

I was, of course, thrilled at the idea of having a Snapfish photo book of my own. What I didn’t anticipate is the way simply creating my book would bring me so much joy and help me to regain my perspective.

My infertility doesn’t define me. The love that I have for these two miracles of ours does.

The process of making this book was such an incredible gift.

Every mother should have the chance to sit down and get lost in her photos for an afternoon. When you’re asked what you want for Mother’s Day this year, ask for a glass of wine and time to create your own Snapfish photo book.

With two lovely Mother’s Day themes from which to choose and super easy, creative templates, you’ll be thrilled with your final product. Go, make yourself a Snapfish photo book, a gift that you’ll hold close to your heart for always.

This post is sponsored by Snapfish as part of their support of the LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER SHOW 2012 series of Mother’s Day performances. I am reading at the San Francisco show on May 10th.

Practicing what I preach

Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I had big plans to write a post today to recap the past year, my second year of blogging.

I thought that this afternoon I would sit down and share my thoughts with you, but today got away from me.

Craig, Katie, Matthew, and I ran a 5K this morning. Well, Craig ran a 5K, if I’m honest. I did more than my share of walking.

Then, our almost-five-year-old-not-a-baby-anymore girl ran her first race. I thought my heart might explode when I saw her face, beaming with pride, after she crossed the finish line. (Katie comes into view in this video about 46 seconds in.)

Once we got home and cleaned up, we tucked an exhausted Matthew in for his nap, swept Katie off to our bed and snuggled with her. We talked, tickled, and laughed and I’d be hard pressed to tell you which of us felt more joy in those stolen moments.

When Matthew woke up, we all piled onto the couch in a heap of pillows, blankets, and happiness.

So, instead of writing about the small moments over the past year, we were creating new ones.

And that’s what it’s all about.

Thank you so much for reading my words here. It’s been a lovely two years. xo

And a special thank you to my friend, Lizz, who left me a lovely blogiversary gift on her blog today. Please go stop by if you have a moment.

Words of Motherhood: Listen to Your Mother

Listen to your mother, LTYM, Listen to your mother San FranciscoWe each woke up that crisp, sunny morning, quite likely with our first thoughts of our Listen to Your Mother audition that day.

We each carefully chose our clothes, applied our makeup, and mentally ran through our chosen piece time and again.

We drove to the Fort Mason Center to share our words with two women who were truly eager to hear them.

Words of motherhood.

We waited for our turn and we worried.

All of us.

And, one after another, we read.

Each story beautiful in its own unique way, but also much the same.

Words of motherhood.

We all went home and waited.

Many of us spoke with one another about the amazing experience.

We took turns expressing how grateful we were to have had the opportunity to read our words.

We spoke of being honored to attend the LTYM show in May, whether in the audience or as a part of the cast.

And we truly meant it.

I am elated to be one of the lucky ones who were cast for the show.

I am so incredibly honored to be one of those who will stand and read her story.

I will stand and read my words and share my story and I will never forget this feeling of overwhelming joy.

I am so incredibly grateful and excited for this experience and I am sending so much love to those who weren’t cast this time.

I am confident that each of us, those who were cast and those who were not, are grateful for the experience.

For having a welcoming environment in which to share our words.

Words of motherhood.

About me

Nichole Beaudry @NicholeBeaudry Location: Northern California
Each and every day, I strive to appreciate the wonder, beauty, and whimsy in the small moments, the moments that, when strung together, form a lifetime.
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