Posted in Daughter

Bathtub conversations

Dear Katie,

One day you will probably cringe over what I’m about to write, just please remember that I love you.

This morning, as you and Matthew were in the bathtub, we had a conversation that went like this:

You: Mommy, Matthew has a penis.

Me: Yep, he sure does.

You: When he grows up, will he have a vagina like me?

Me: Nope, he will always have a penis.

You: When he grows up will he be a mommy?

Me: No…he may be a daddy, but only girls are mommies.

You: Oh…okay. When I grow up, I’m going to be a doctor.

Me: I’m so happy to hear that Katie. Will you also be a mommy?

You: You’re not listening to me. I said I’m going to be a doctor.

Me: Well, Katie. You can be both. You don’t have to choose between the two.

You: Really? I can? Perfect! I’ll be a doctor and a mom!

Me: Yes, my sweet girl, you absolutely can be both.

And Katie, I hope you never limit yourself.

You can be anything you dream of being and I’ll be right here to remind you to reach for everything you want in this life.

With a heart bursting with love for you,

Mommy

5 Things: A birthday letter to my daughter

Dear Katie,

We just celebrated your fifth birthday, my sweet girl.

Now that you’re getting older, I often wonder what you’ll remember about your childhood.

Will you remember that your daddy and I decided to forgo the big birthday party in favor of spending the day celebrating you, just the four of us?

Will you remember that you awoke to a bedroom filled with pink and light blue balloons? Daddy and I snuck them in the night before and nearly woke you up. Who knew balloons were so loud?

balloons, birthday letter

Will you remember that we continued our birthday breakfast tradition with birthday cake pancakes?

birthday cake pancakes, birthday letter

Will you remember spending the afternoon at the park?

playground, birthday letter

Will you remember asking for oatmeal for your birthday dinner?

oatmeal, birthday letter

Will the presents that we gave you be happy memories?

Will you remember your initial disappointment when you saw that I made you a white cake (not light blue!)?

blowing out candles

Or will you remember the joy you felt when I cut your cake open to reveal what I had hidden inside for you?

birthday cake, layer cake

If you remember nothing else, Katie, please remember these five things…

You have blessed our lives with your amazing little spirit.

We cherish each and every day we have with you.

You are beautiful both inside and out.

Mommy and Daddy love you with an intensity that we could have never imagined.

You were so worth the wait.

With a heart brimming with love for you,

Mommy

My Cue

I’ve been sitting here staring at this screen, trying to find the words to tell you about this week’s Small Moments Mondays guest poster.

There are so many things I could tell you about Rachel, who blogs over at Mommy Needs a Vacation.

I could tell you that she’s one of my dearest friends, that she’s kind, witty, and vivacious.

I could tell you that she’s supportive, encouraging, and true.

But that doesn’t even begin to express who she is and what she means to me.

She has become more like a sister to me than a friend and I am so incredibly grateful to have her in my life.

I love you, Rachel…so very much.  Thank you for sharing this small moment with us.

My Cue–by Rachel

As we pulled up to the familiar preschool, I looked back at Sadie who had a smile from ear to ear.

“Are you excited Sadie?” I asked her.

“Yes Mama! I am going to be a Polar Bear and Tyler is going to be a Blue Bird!!!” she squealed.

I knew this day would come.

The day that my little girl started Pre-K. The day she would absolutely love to go to school.

The day that my little boy would start preschool.

How did it arrive so quickly though?

I unloaded both kids from the car, handed them their lunches, and tousled their strands of blonde hair. We slowly made our way down the sidewalk into the school. Sadie, eager to see her new classroom, was running way ahead. Tyler, on the other hand, stopped to pick up sticks, point out the moon he could see in the bright blue sky, and inspect sprinkler heads in the lawn. Unlike Sadie, he had no idea what lay ahead of him.

Even though Sadie couldn’t wait to get inside her new classroom, once outside the door, she hung back, clinging to my leg. Although her face was still adorned with her breathtakingly beautiful smile, I could tell that even she was unsure of this new classroom experience.

As she made her way through the doorway, I saw her looking around, taking in all of that wondrous classroom magic.

Markers and paper.

Playdough.

The alphabet posters.

Her very own cubbie.

A friend from her class last year.

“Okay Sadie…have fun! I am going to take Tyler to his classroom now.” I told her.

She turned back towards me with that famous smile and squeezed me tight.

“I love you, Mama,” she said.

“I love you too, Sadie,” I replied.

In just a quick moment, my little girl had begun her last year of preschool, Pre-K.

As we left Sadie’s new classroom, I encouraged Tyler to keep walking with me but I could sense his frustration. Why hadn’t we gone to Sadie’s old classroom from last year that he knew so well? Where are we going now Mommy?

He stayed with me, although he lagged a little behind. He found a bug on the ground to poke, he admired a nearby cat.

As I approached his classroom, I looked back at him, encouraging him to join me. Now extremely frustrated, not knowing where we were going, he threw himself onto the ground in protest.

I scooped him up and was stunned by the weight of him. Not a baby anymore.

A big boy, starting preschool.

He snuggled into my neck as his arms and legs squeezed around my body. I could feel his fast, nervous breathing as I made my way into his classroom. I greeted the teachers who remembered Tyler as a 4 month old when Sadie had first started preschool in the same classroom.

“He is so big now! We are so excited to have him this year!” his teachers exclaimed.

Tyler, with his face still buried in my neck, began to moan the blues. I walked around the classroom telling him everything I could see, telling him how much fun he was going to have. Offering words of encouragement and love.

As soon as I approached the train table, I knew this would be the ticket for his comfort.

“Look Tyler! Look at all the choo-choo trains!!” I told him.

He jerked his head around, looked down and caught sight of all the choo-choo trains. He began to wriggle.

Wriggle out of my arms down onto the floor, standing right next to a giant train table filled with all of his favorite trains. He reached out, picked one up, and then looked up at me with that same big, beautiful smile Sadie had just given me moments before.

“Look Ma-ee! Choo-choos!” he exclaimed.

I took this small moment as my cue.

My cue to leave my baby boy.

I blew him a kiss, turned on my heels, and walked through the doorway as my shoulders relaxed for the first time that morning.

The moment when I knew my babies were growing up….

Had most definitely arrived.

When I asked Rachel which of her posts she’d like to share with you, she sent me the links to Spring Break is for Suckers, Dear Mommy: A Letter from Sadie to Yours Truly, It’s Another Vasectomy Tuesday, and  Mommy Instinct is NEVER WRONG.

With each title I read, a memory floated back to the surface. I remember each of these so distinctly. This girl can make me laugh like no other. And when she writes from her heart, mine melts. So lovely.

But, I just had to throw in a link to another of my favorites, a post about Sky Mall. Giggle.

Please go follow Rachel on Twitter and like her on Facebook!

Careful What You Wish For

I am so happy to have Natalie, from My Crazy Busy Life, here this week on Small Moments Mondays to share a small moment with us.

I wish I lived closer to Natalie because she’s the kind of girl with whom I’d go out for drinks (yes, multiple) and laugh until we cried. She’s funny, down to earth, genuine, and kind. I am so grateful to have her as my friend.

This post tugs at my heart, as Katie is preparing to start preschool next week…a huge change in our life. Natalie’s words are so lovely.

Thank you, Natalie, for sharing this here. I am so grateful for your generosity!

Careful What You Wish For by Natalie

For the past year or so, I’ve hoped the preschool would start a carpool, drop off line. I thought it would be great if I could let my youngest out at the door so I didn’t have to get out and walk her in. That way, I wouldn’t feel so guilty about dragging myself out of the house in my pj’s & attempting to inhale my first cup of coffee.

Not that long after Christmas break, I got what I wished for. The school sent home a letter that they would begin a preschool drop off line. I should be ecstatic right? I should feel over-the-moon-happy about it. I mean, this is EXACTLY what I wanted. Right?

One morning during the drop off, I look at my little girl- my baby- looking so big in her booster seat and waiting our turn. She was so excited about getting dropped off, “just like her brothers.” And it hit me. She would be starting kindergarten soon. She’s no longer a baby, toddler, or even preschooler. My little girl was officially a kid.

That one moment changed how I viewed the carpool lane. It was no longer a convenience. It was moving us forward to another phase of life.

Each little thing you cross off the list… The bottles, the diapers, bloomers with dresses, carseat, then eventually you realize their physical need for you is gone. They are physically capable of walking into school safely. Physically capable of getting through life without you. I’m now in the phase of guiding her to who she is meant to be.

That moment made me intensely miss the days I still had a baby.

Please go say hello to Natalie over on My Crazy Busy Life. Don’t miss Best Birthday Card Ever, Finding Your Words, and Sweet Home Chicago.

You can also find Natalie on Twitter. Go follow! You’ll love her, I promise!

About me

Nichole Beaudry @NicholeBeaudry Location: Northern California
Each and every day, I strive to appreciate the wonder, beauty, and whimsy in the small moments, the moments that, when strung together, form a lifetime.
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