I’ve written about my father here before.
I’ve shared my grief and my efforts to work through my sadness.
And I worried that you might be growing weary of hearing about it.
So, I stopped writing about him.
I stopped sharing the waves of my sadness and I bottled it up inside, where it became trapped, until two weeks ago, when I stood in front of my peers at Creative Alliance ’12 and read the first substantial piece that I ever wrote about my father.
And I felt freed of a piece of my sadness.
Standing there, giving voice to my grief was cathartic.
Not long ago, I read a quote from On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss that gave me permission to grieve both privately and publicly.
The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.
It was that quote that pushed me to submit my piece the the Listen to Your Mother “Say It” Salon at Creative Alliance ’12.
It helped me to recognize that it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling.
Thank you to all of the amazing women who sat and listened and smiled and cried with me.
And if I become fearful or trapped or lonely, I will sit quietly and watch this video from Suebob Davis that captures the magic of Creative Alliance ’12.
And I will be grateful.