Posted in BlogHer

And I’m Off…BlogHer ’11 Awaits

Wow…I can’t believe I’m leaving today.

I’ve known about this trip since Craig bought me a ticket to BlogHer ’11 for Christmas.

But, somehow, I still have 4,209 things on my to do list before I leave in just a few short hours.

One of those things I wanted to do is pull a few posts out of the archives to run for the next few days…posts that make me happy and that you may not have seen. 

I’ll miss you all while I’m gone! 

The post I chose for today is one that shows why I know Katie and Matthew are the in best hands while I’m away…

Thank you, Craig! I love you so much.

I’ll Never Ask

I was sick a couple of weekends ago. I spent forty-eight hours in complete misery. I don’t do sick with any grace whatsoever. I cried, felt bad for myself, and moaned, all while quarantined in the guest room.

And my children were fine. Actually, they were more than fine.

They went to the library, to the grocery store, and for a long walk.

They played games, blocks, and babies.

They were bathed, loved, tickled, and read to.

All while I lay in bed on what felt like the verge of death.

I could hear squeals of laughter, the muted, happy tones of back and forth daddy-daughter conversations, and endless Matthew giggles.

My husband.

He brought me water, then broth, then soup, and finally toast. He made certain that my bucket was clean and nearby.

He anticipated my every need and rubbed my back when I cried.

When I finally emerged, weak from my stomach flu-inflicted stupor, the house was completely clean, the dishes done, laundry folded and put away. I can’t remember the last time that my washer and dryer were not only empty, but had no clothes piled on top.

The refrigerator had even been cleaned out.

He stepped in and took my place. He filled the shoes that I so often feel like I can’t even begin to fill.

He accomplished more in forty-eight hours than I do in a week.

And, although I appreciated having the time to focus on my misery, when I emerged, I was filled with conflicting emotions.

My children were smiling and clean.

My house had not fallen down around me.

Meals had been made, eaten without complaint, and cleaned up.

And I had no hand in any of it.

If I’m honest, there was a part of me that was uncomfortable with the realization that the rhythm of my family continued in my absence; I suspect that perhaps things went even more smoothly.

I looked around, hoping for a stray sock, a dirty plate, a misplaced toy.

Nothing.

Craig had not only coped with my absence, but he had excelled where I often feel like I’m just barely hanging on.

I should have been happy with that. Our children were happy, loved, and content. Why wasn’t I?

So much of my self-worth at this point in my life is tied up in my role as a mother. This job of mothering is incredibly difficult in that there are no performance reviews, no raises or promotions. No pats on the back for a job well done. No real way to measure success.

When someone steps in and appears to do your job better than you do, it’s humbling and disconcerting.

But, there’s a huge part of me that finds comfort in knowing that Craig handles it all with such ease. I know that if something should ever happen to me, he could handle things. He would remember which outfits match Katie’s brown shoes and how to do her hair. I know that he would make Matthew smile and help him grow into an amazing man.

Then, two days after my return to the land of the living, Matthew was sitting in his highchair and his sippy cup completely leaked. It had been incorrectly put back together. Craig had somehow missed one of the eighteen puzzle-like pieces necessary for a leak-free cup.

And I stood in the kitchen, looked at the massive puddle and Matthew’s soaked shirt, and I smiled.

I’m fairly certain that Craig threw me a bone.

But, I’ll never ask.

BlogHer ’11 and Latent Insecurities

I have a secret.

Lean in real close.

In social settings, I sometimes have a bit of trouble.

And why is this relevant right now?

Well, I’m headed off to BlogHer ’11 in a couple of days and my palms are sweaty just thinking all of the evening events that I’ll be attending.

Events that will have alcohol.

Basically, I shouldn’t drink and meet.

If I have had zero drinks, I am friendly, but appropriate. I will listen to you and try to learn as much about you as possible.

If I have had one or two glasses of wine, I become funny. I will laugh, you will likely laugh, and fun will be had by all. This is my happy place. Yours too, I’m afraid.

If I have overindulged and had three glasses of wine, I basically lose my mind. All of those latent insecurities come to the surface and I become a one-woman Nichole marketing team.

I will want so badly for you to like me that I will. Not. Shut. Up.

Here’s a sample conversation. See if you can spot the trouble…

New friend: Hi, nice to meet you.

Me: Nice to meet you too. I love your shirt.

New friend: Thank you so much.

Me: I have shirts, too. I have lots of shirts. I have blue shirts, yellow shirts, white shirts, black shirts. I love shirts. Shirts are so awesome.

New friend: Um…

Me: Some of my shirts are cotton, some are linen, some are sleeveless, some are not. We both love shirts! We have so much in common!

New friend: Okay, well…um…nice meeting you. Buh bye.

So, if you meet me at BlogHer ’11 and I’m rambling, please know that it’s just because I like you and want you to like me too.

Though I like to think of myself as a confident woman, there’s something about large groups of women that reduce me to a version of my 22-year-old self.

And that’s my biggest fear.

Are you going to BlogHer ‘11?

And if you are, what’s your greatest fear?

Maybe we can talk about it at length after a few glasses of wine. ;)

Shoes, Summer, and Intimidation…Something for Everyone

I’m not here today…

Physically, I’m spending the day shopping with my lovely friend, Sherri. We’re on a quest to find comfortable stylish clothes and shoes for BlogHer ’11. We’re also on a quest for a yummy lunch that may or may not include a glass of wine.

And I’m also not here with a post. Instead, I’m visiting Gigi, from Kludgy Mom, who invited me over to be a part of her Summer of Love 2011 series.

Please come on over so I can tell you why I blog. My reasons may surprise you, but if you are a parent, I have no doubt that you’ll be able to relate.

When Gigi invited me over, I was completely intimidated.

This is Gigi we’re talking about. This woman is a powerhouse…a fountain of knowledge.

Need to make a Facebook landing page? Use her tutorial (I used it over the weekend to make a new welcome page and it was super easy to follow!).

Stumped by writer’s block? Peruse her idea bank, which has 631 prompts to get you going.

Need a good laugh? Gigi will have you giggling in no time.

I’m certain that there’s little this woman cannot do.

And all of that intimidation simply feel to the wayside, as Gigi put me completely at ease by being such a gracious host.

It would mean the world to me if you’d come by and see my at Gigi’s. I’m already angling for another invite. ;)

And if you’re visiting from Kludgy Mom, welcome! I’m thrilled to have you here.

Please pull up a chair and make yourself completely at home. While I’m gone, there’s ice cream in the freezer and wine on the counter.

And you might like to read some of my recent favorite posts: Gently, Because of the Other, and Already Lovely.

I’ll be back with my new shopping loot in no time.

And for the good news…

I'm Going to BlogHer '11Well, I just shared the bad news over on Babble, so I’m going to give you some good news over here.

Three weeks from tomorrow, I’ll be boarding a plane for San Diego to attend BlogHer ’11 and I’m growing more excited by the day.

For those of you who are also attending, consider yourself forewarned that I plan to drink all of my wine and yours too.

For those of you who won’t be there, please don’t believe any of the stories you hear about my behavior while I’m there. ;)

I’m going to squeeze every bit of fun out of my time with my friends in San Diego…five days of fun, learning, and wine.

Did I mention wine?

And then I’ll come back home, regroup, and work on getting pregnant. Again.

Natalie, Sherri, Cheryl, Lori, Tonya, and Katie, my lovely BlogHer roommates? Are you ready!?

I can’t wait to see you all!

Be careful what you wish for…

We’re all familiar with the advice to be careful what we wish for, right?

Well, I wished for a husband who would be my partner, who would be an active parent who knew the ins and outs of how to care for our children.

When I got sick a couple of months ago, I was left with some thinking to do. And the result of that thinking is syndicated over on BlogHer today.

I would truly appreciate it if you could swing by and say hello and throw a sparkle my way.

If I’m a nice guest, hopefully they’ll invite me back. ;)

If you are visiting me from BlogHer, thank you so very much.

Some of my recent favorite posts are:

We floated, And all that it implied, and Because of the other.

I was syndicated on BlogHer.com

About me

Nichole Beaudry @NicholeBeaudry Location: Northern California
Each and every day, I strive to appreciate the wonder, beauty, and whimsy in the small moments, the moments that, when strung together, form a lifetime.
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