Posted in Apology

Forever and Ever

Dear Katie and Matthew,

I am writing to apologize to each of you for my complete lack of patience this afternoon.  I was tired, grumpy, and simply no fun to be with.

I rushed you, was easily exasperated by you, and caught myself longing for bedtime more often than I care to admit.

Today was not one of my finer parenting days.

Though your daddy was at the ready with extra tickles, distractions, and unlimited patience, I am so truly disappointed in myself.

Please know that I love you each of you to the moon and back…and in words that you’ve each heard more times than you could possibly count…

I love you big as the world,

high as the sky,

deep as the ocean,

forever and ever.*

With all of the love that my heart can possibly hold,

Mommy

*My mother spoke these words to me each and every day of my childhood.  No matter how the day had gone, I never doubted for even one second that she loved me.  It is my hope that you always feel that same sense security.

Apologies

I’ve apologized for many things in my life.

I’ve apologized when I’ve done something wrong.

I’ve apologized when I’ve done nothing wrong.

The problem with the apologies I’ve made to make peace and ease awkwardness is that they will undoubtedly be issued to the same person for the same “offense” again, because the apology wasn’t for my actions, but rather for having hurt someone I love.

Let me clarify.

Say, for instance, I don’t call you for a while.  I get wrapped up in my own life, raising my children, loving my husband, keeping up with my blog.  I don’t choose not to call you, I just can’t find more than five minutes of quiet in a row.  Time passes and I know that you are growing angry with me. So, I know that when I do call you, I’ll need more time, since you are upset and I’ll need to address that.  So, I don’t call, because, well, I don’t have more than five minutes of quiet in a row. And in those rare instances when I do, I use those moments to keep my head from exploding.

So, what do I do with this snowballing situation?  Historically, I have always eventually broken down, shoved everything else aside, and apologized just to make peace. But the older I get, the more I just can’t do that.

I’m curious about your thoughts on apologies…

What is the goal of an apology?  To make ourselves or the other person feel better?

Is there a ritualistic element to apologizing…do we apologize because it is expected of us?

Do you ever apologize when you believe that you shouldn’t?

About me

Nichole Beaudry @NicholeBeaudry Location: Northern California
Each and every day, I strive to appreciate the wonder, beauty, and whimsy in the small moments, the moments that, when strung together, form a lifetime.
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