Top 10 Ways to Make Your Neighbors Hate You

If you’ve ever wondered how you can make your neighbors completely hate you in no time at all, employ the following helpful tips:

  1. On the day you move in, be sure to lay on your horn no fewer than 3,208 times during naptime.
  2. On that same day, be sure to ring your neighbor’s doorbell during naptime and when they don’t answer, pound on their door because you need to “borrow one of those long screwdrivers.”
  3. When you meet your neighbor’s children, be sure to look the 4-year-old daughter up and down and say, “She suuurrre is purrrty.”
  4. As your neighbor is struggling to get her two children into the house, ask her, “Hey, did you hear me banging on your door at 1 this morning? I was so drunk, I thought your house was mine!”
  5. Park your jalopy truck in front of your neighbor’s house. The truck that leaks oil. The time that your neighbors spend cleaning up your oil spills will earn you a special place in their hearts.
  6. When you see that your neighbor’s children are playing happily in their sandbox, play Eminem at the highest volume your stereo can handle so that they can hear it too.
  7. When you leave or arrive home at all hours of the day and night, be sure that everyone in your jalopy truck slams his or her car door as many times as humanly possible upon entering and exiting the truck. You get extra neighbor points for each slam.
  8. When your kids are bored, send them over to your neighbor’s lawn to swing from the limbs of their most fragile tree.
  9. Be sure to open all of your windows before you have a marital argument in which every other word is “motherf*cker.” Awesome.
  10. To save electricity, pop out all of the screens in your house that face mine and lay your clothes over every windowsill. Classy.

Can you please make me feel better with your awful neighbor stories?

I can’t be the only one who is being driven completely insane!

57 comments

  1. galitbreen

    Oh no, Nichole! So sorry to hear this! Hang in there and I'll pass the wine! XO

  2. kloppenmum

    And I'll bring the chocolate. Lordy. That's bad.

  3. Kris prettyalltrue.com

    My neighbors are lovely, although I am sure they have some small complaints about me.

    I have nothing helpful.

    Poor you.

  4. SquashedMom

    OMG, that sounds awful. I am so sorry. Can you plant some TALL shrubbery on that side? Call the cops on them, a lot?

    Unfortunately, here in our NYC apartment? WE are probably the "bad neighbors." My autistic son loves to jump up and down, we have a Wii in our living room, some of whose games also require… jumping, and my other son, currently? Obsessed with basketball. No matter how many times I tell him "no ball in the house"? He is dribbling that thing on the living room floor. "I can't help it Mom, it's calling to me." Really?

    Yep, our downstairs neighbors must LOVE us.

  5. @Alannaco

    Well, my neighbors across the street drive us crazy. It's the husband usually; the wife is pretty sweet. He is the kind of guy that is right about everything, knows everything, will tell you that YOU are wrong about whatever it may be. When my hubs is working on the cars or whatever, this guy will come over and start telling him how to do it. Tell us how to raise our kids. Smokes "stuff" occasionally. He too, bangs on the door during nap time & gets offended if I don't answer. He will call to ask what's going on if he sees that my hubs car is still home when he is usually at work, OR to tell us he saw our lights on later than they normally are. Comes over when we have company and shares very crude or inappropriate stories (in front of kids if they happen to be there!) Shares details about HIS sex life!
    Yup, a very nosey, know-it-all, inappropriate older guy.
    And did I forget to mention that he is my father-in-law??!!
    Oh yes, lucky me!

  6. tracy sellabitmum.com

    Maybe you can whip up some moonshine to bring over and welcome them to the neighborhood? Oy. I am sorry.

  7. Perhaps you should accidentally shoot the windows outta their house pretending you are shooting at a possum in the yard…Wait, that would just f* up their laundry. Back to the drawing board.

    In the meantime: wine, chocolate, wine, chocolate. Repeat as needed.

  8. Dude I posted an ass crack shot of my neighbor in yesterday's post!

  9. Kir thekircorner.com

    Oy vey! Who are these people? You poor girl.

    I don't have any horrible neighbor stories lately, but we are hardly ever home and when we are our neighbors are not…actually I wish we had more of a community feeling. I can't count on my neighbors for things or hang out with them, I hardly know them. This makes me sad.

    I hope that things get better FAST! That is the last thing with kids in your house.

  10. Nancy C npoj.blogspot.com

    This couldn't come at a better time. Our neighbor, the son of the actual homeowner, has moved back in with his fifteen million "landscaping" trucks, which he parks everywhere expect for his own front yard. He has recently requested that we become a two-lane road, meaning we would all lose front yard space.

    He cusses, works with his machinery at two am, and blasts death metal.

    I pretty much hate him.

  11. Jen Has A Pen jenhasapen.com

    What in the world?!?!?! Jesus. You are in for it, man. :-( I have no idea how you solve this sort of thing. The only annoying neighbor story I have is a young couple deep in the throws of domestic violence that lived next to me in college. And annoying isn't even really the right word to describe it. This sounds awful for you. Good luck???

  12. Efloraross thewriterrevived.com

    Oh my! That so completely sucks! I've got nothing for you except a hug. We have wonderful neighbors, at least immediately surrounding us. There are some gems like this in the neighborhood, but they are not next door to us.

    I don't know if it would help with them, but I always put a sign on my door when SB is napping. It reads "Please do not disturb, toddler is resting." Sometimes, I leave it up all afternoon and into the evening. ;)

  13. I am so, so sorry :( I'll add some, and maybe they will make you laugh a little. When we moved in, a middle aged guy lived there with his "new wife". Now, the new wife has brought it all sorts of family members. Some highlights:

    There's a growing pile of stuff behind their garage. I'm sure they are going to repair the fifty bikes, wagons, and various milk crates.

    Their nephew, who lives there, smokes cigs in his 2nd floor room and throws them onto our driveway.

    They have fights that contain language that forces me to close our windows.

    One night we went out to come home to a police car in our driveway, with the officer apologetically telling us, "I just have to check on some things over there periodically."

    and my favorite!

    The other day we were playing outside when the son brought out a snake. And let it crawl around in their grass, all four feet of it (maybe 4-6 inches in diameter), which his girlfriend screamed at their daughter "Now stay on the grass, it'll bite!!"

  14. Krista notmommyoftheyear.com

    YUCK. That all just sounds terrible. I'd have lost my mind a long time ago.

    But. I live next door to my in-laws. I love my in-laws, but still next door? To my in-laws? Who know the keycode to our garage door. If they didn't babysit, I'd have you beat! ;-)

  15. Jason jasonlinden.wordpress.com

    We once had upstairs neighbors who worked at a local restaurant and were always coming home at ungodly hours unbelievably wasted. Once in the middle of the night, there was a huge crash and I'd had enough. I pounded on the door until one of them came down and basically said, "Seriously?" His response was to gripe about how a table had "just fallen over" and if I wanted to keep bugging him, perhaps we could engage in some fisticuffs (he do not use the word fisticuffs). Never in my life has a table "just fallen over" while I was around. Perhaps I have not been drunk enough.

  16. Dolli-Mama

    My neighbor on the side of our house has turned her garage into a bar. Seriously, they are out there drinking at all hours of the day and night with the garage door open and the noise spilling into our house. Their Garage faces our bedroom and livingroom windows, so a bunch of drunk people is all we see and hear all the time!

    On Monday night their party was SO LOUD at 1 am she woke 2 of my three kids up. This is ridiculous!

    But I am glad I'm not the only one with stupid neighbors!

  17. Cate catelinden.com

    Oh my. Your neighbors sound like a doozy.

    I've had some horrible neighbors (see my husband Jason's story about the table "falling over" upthread), but I think yours might take the cake!

  18. I think I can beat all of this. When I moved into my first apartment with my husband and brand new baby, a few short weeks after we settled in, my across-the-hall neighbor SHOT my next-door neighbor through their back window. They were supposed to be friends and "just messin' around". It was surreal. I was quoted in the newspaper & everything. I think I said something like "I don't even know what's going on here." or something equally descriptive of my incredulity. I made a point to not make friends at that apartment complex after that.

  19. Sean averagesupermom.com

    Are these real people? Sounds absolutely insane! I accidentally moved next door to my arch nemesis one time. The fact that I had an arch nemesis in itself was crazy. But, of all the walls we had to share with them, it just happened to be the bedroom wall. Luckily, her husband liked her about as much as I did and we only heard them once in 2 years. We gave them an earful, though! She probably tells people what obnoxious neighbors we were…

  20. CDG

    Before we moved, we lived in a two-family in an urban outlying city near Boston. We shared a long, single lane driveway with the douchebags upstairs. The rule of thumb was, if you were leaving without your car, don't park anyone in. Leave it on the street. At night? If you were the last one in, be prepared to have to get up and move your car unless you were going to be the first one out.

    One morning, I got up to leave for my 5AM SHIFT at the hotel pastry kitchen, and headed out to my car, parked at the end of the driveway the night before, all set to leave at 4:30 AM.

    And the guy we hated most left his car parked ACROSS the driveway.

    I knocked, I rang the bell, I hollered. I woke the residents of both buildings next to us, but he slept through it. So, I finally called the Police and had his car towed.

    When he saw me next, I was coming home from a family party, and he was sitting on the shared front porch. He tried to get all up in my face, screaming at me, profanity, until he realized my 6'2, 280 pound overprotective husband was in the car behind me. Suddenly, he didn't feel so tough anymore.

    He proceeded however, to make my life a living hell until we gave up and bought a house.

    Hang in there!

  21. BalancingMama

    How awful! My stories are not nearly as bad. But my neighbor is a horrible dog owner. She gets energetic dog breeds, barely walks them, keeps them in the house, and they become fierce and unmaneagable. She had one put down b/c it bit TWO neighbors. The dog was a victim of an irresponsible owner… sigh. Oh – and I find dog poop in my yard regularly. Grrrr!

    Hang in there! I hope yours move soon!

  22. I am kinda having Deliverance flashbacks reading this! Wow. Hard to believe people like that exist in real life.

    When I was pregnant with my daughter, we were still in an apt, and our upstairs neighbors (boyfriend/girlfriend) would literally beat the junk out of each other each night. The kicker was the guy was a cop. We couldn't get out of their fast enough. Right now we are totally the white trash neighbors, though, b/c my husband is redoing our deck and so we have old deck wood piled in our yard. Plus the kid's toys…our grill…yeeeaaah…bringing down the property value!

  23. MamaWantsThis mamawantsthis.com

    Oh my, they sound horrible!

    It's weird, I saw your tweet for this post a few minutes after I started tweet-bitching about my neighbors! :)

    My neighbors do the following:
    - The dude plays the horn (the instrument). He practices at ALL HOURS. Including at 10.30PM.
    - Our front doors are practically touching (darn apartments) and they leave their door open all the time. We see inside, and we don't want to. Including the dude in his boxer shorts and his wife in a nightie
    - They have people in and out all the time (which means they pass our front door, which is touching, did I mention that already?)
    - I can hear them having conversations outside my front door

    I want to move out. STAT. So I feel your pain.

  24. Snap, Crackle, Pop

    11. When you see packages outside your neighbor's door around Christmas time, take them. Clearly, they're meant for you and not gifts she ordered for her beau … or the beau's brother … or the beau's niece.

  25. I meant THERE, not THEIR…I do know the difference…haha. My son is all over me and making it hard to concentrate. OOPS!!!!

  26. Oh wow, I didn't know so much terrible could exist in one neighboring house! I'm so sorry. I hope their stay there is short-lived!!

  27. They sound awful. Really awful.
    We have one neighbor house, with several generations living there, and several of them are taxi drivers – they try to cram 5 cars, including the taxis, in their driveway that on a good day will hold four (compact) cars. All while not using the garage.
    Then we have neighbors who park on the street, rather than their driveway – and certainly not their garage.
    Oh, and the one that gets drunk and yells at his wife – in another language.
    And the mafia. We're sure they belong, but they stay quiet, aaaand – so do we. However the sheer numbers of people that come and go from their house, without it looking like a crack house, is puzzling. We've made up all kinds of stories up about the drugs/weapons/money we imagine they are dealing. Probably they are just active in their church – LOL.
    Neighbors – ugh. I've always dreamed of a neighborhood where everyone likes each other and is friendly and social!!

  28. That is just awful.

    I, too, have a ridiculously insane neighbor. I wrote a whole post about her chain-smoking, lung-hacking, world-cursing self. We live in apartments, so our patios are only separated by the walkway to our doors. Her smoke drifts into my house if I leave the windows open. We can hear her all the time (walls are kind of thin). She opens & slams her front door as hard as she can whenever she thinks we're making too much noise (like when the kid was a baby & would cry every once in a while). She also used to stand on her patio and mumble about how I am a "white trash c—". Oh! And she yells at birds when they make too much noise. She yells at everyone. She's so miserable, and miserable as a neighbor.

    So I feel for you. And I hope that something will happen to make your neighbor calm the f— down and respect you and your family.

  29. Courtney K. themommymatters.net

    Oh my gracious. I thought MY neighbors were bad…I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. I can't top it, but my neighbors are horrible, too. For starters, they are absolutely FILTHY. Like, dirty in the sense that they should be on Hoarders, and I won't let me son go near their house (much less eat anything from there home). The mom rarely looks like she showers, and her 2 daughters are the same way. We live on a culdesac, and her two oldest girls roam freely around EVERYONE'S yard. If there is someone outside playing with their kid, or grilling, they just show up (uninvited) and won't leave. They are so nosy it's ridiculous. They stand outside fences and look in windows, etc. I can't even open the blinds in my house because they won't stop peaking in!

  30. Dana feastafterfamine.com

    Holy criminy! That's bad.

  31. Oh Nichole, the pervy impossible neighbor! Yikes.
    We live across the street from a rental property we call the double wide. The residents there frequently drop the F bomb at all hours. Worst part? They don't even use it correctly! Seriously, I don't know what to be more offended by….the word or the poor grammar!
    However since I also get a contact high half the time I open my front door, I usually forget the whole matter.

  32. Ugh. How incredibly classy. (Especially the "she's so purty" comment… yuck!) I once had a neighbor equal in class. He once "accidentally" shot his own hand. The bullet went through his hand and shot out his back windshield, which left broken glass and blood everywhere. That was a pretty site in our complex parking lot.

    They used to leave their garbage sitting outside (in the summer… in Phoenix) for weeks at a time. We complained to the HOA about the smell (it was bad, to say the least), they got fined, and in retaliation, he KICKED the bags of garbage all the way to the dumpster, leaving a very disgusting trail all the way down the stairs, down the sidewalk and across the parking lots.

    I won't even get INTO the drug use, the domestic violence and the foil on the windows.

  33. midwestmomments

    You MUST be joking with #10. Seriously?

  34. Wow. I would've so set the sprinklers off if they were knocking on my door at 1am. Real nice on #9. I can add "don't use a minivan in the driveway as a storage shed." Happening right next door.

  35. Tonya lettersforlucas.com

    Wow, some of these are just too bad to be real. I'm so sorry!

  36. Peggy

    What?! In your neighborhood? They won't last..they'll be gone after the 1st mortgage payment is past due. I have to admit, this post cracked me up. All I could picture was the Griswold's Cousin Eddie.

    Our new neighbor went out back with a bunch of his red neck friends, and started shooting guns at some kind of M16 bomb. It sounded like we were in Iraq. It was a real special night in the hot tub for us that night. By the time we came in and dried off the cops were in their yard. Not our doing, but glad of it.

    Good luck, they'll probably move out in the dark of the night…haha

  37. Jessica Anne

    Wow, those are horrible. #3 made me shudder.

    Our neighbors, not as bad, but still annoying, parked their broken, missing two wheels rusted green jeep in front of our house, for five months. They live across the street and do not park their cars in front of their house. They parked it right in the middle, so although there should be room for two cars to park, no one else could. Also, their front lawn in 3 foot high weeds that they water with their thumb over the top of a hose once a week.

  38. Ginger rambleramble.com

    Wow, those are horrible. I've had a lot of really really annoying neighbors (the 5 college kids who lived below us and played dodgeball in the apartment at midnight, for example, or the guy who lived below us at another place who would practice to be a DJ…at 7am on Sunday mornings), and a couple of downright bad, horrible, nightmares (the murder-suicide next door was the ultimate in bad neighbors).

    Those were all the neighbors that convinced us to leave apartment living.

  39. Natalie mommyofamonster.com

    Ugh! Seriously, you have the neighbors from hell! I think the house across the street from us is going up for sale next month…you should move ;)

  40. We are currently downsized into a 990 square foot apartment so that my husband can pursue his dream career. Our downstairs neighbors…Don & Dawn lived IN our apartment for 10 years. Don regularly forgets that he's moved and tried to walk into our apartment. They also slam their front door which shakes my apartment and knocks things off the wall.

  41. sherrikuhn

    Oh Nichole! Doesn't it stink that you can adore your lovely home but still have crappy neighbors?! We have those next to us but they aren't nearly as bad!

  42. Jessica

    Oh no! That sounds awful. I don't think I have any stories quite this bad.

  43. Leigh Ann

    Please tell me these aren't really true! But I feel your pain. One of our neighboring houses is a rental. Every year someone more weird and annoying moves in. I actually started a post about it but haven't finished! There was a single mom whose teenage son was a drummer in a band that only seemed to ever practice at nap time or bed time, on the same side of the house as the girls. And now there are 2 moms living there (nothing against single moms), one who sits outside all the time ignoring her 20 month old as he toddles around the yard and wanders into the street. Or she sits in her car drinking with her boyfriend while her tween and the other mom's 7 year old watch the baby. And his toys are all littered on the side of their house and spilling into our yard. My favorite? The time we came home and had to walk our kids up to the house through their haze of second hand marijuana smoke. Classy. The other mom is super nice and normal, but I never see her!

  44. c3images

    OMG those are HORRID neighbours….
    We recently moved into a new neighbourhood and are so very spoiled with our neighbours. The only thing I can complain about is the fact that a person a few doors down from us feels the need to drive 40mph past my house…we live on a cul-de-sac!!!

  45. liz

    Oh wow, Nichole! I'm so, so sorry! Neighbors are one of those things you can't change. I wish i could say something that would make it better.

  46. JDaniel4's Mom

    It is just wrong to contact any home of a small child during the hours of 1-4 except via social media. There should be a law against it.

  47. BeggingAnswers

    Not exactly neighbors, but maintenance crew in my apartment complex always seems to mow the lawn, fix the roof, clean the gutters, etc. during nap time. Always. I'm considering bringing my screaming crabby un-napped children to their homes around suppertime for a friendly visit. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

  48. Kristi liveandloveoutloud.com

    Oh boy! I'm so sorry that you've won the horrible neighbor jackpot. :( Our neighbors have good intentions…I mean they're nice, but one of them is really loud and borderline obnoxious. Also, their yappity dogs run loose all over the neighborhood and guess whose 2 acre lot they prefer to poop in? Yup, you guessed it. Also, they're moving and found out that they wouldn't be able to take their cat along. I declined, stating that I was NOT a cat person and was actually allergic. Well, she (the not-so-sweet neighbor) asked my husband about taking the cat behind my back and he said YES! I want to strangle them both, but I can't because I'm too busy vacuuming up cat hair and sneezing.

  49. ksluiter

    I could totally blog right here in your comment area about my douche of a neighbor. Seriously. it so bad. I posted a picture of his terrible shed not long back.

    At least mine are relatively quiet douches.

    Yours? Sound about 12 seconds away from being reported.

    yes, I am THAT neighbor.

  50. @The_BMG twitter.com/The_BMG

    I'm pretty sure I could write a blog post about some of the "interesting" neighbors we've had. It's a nightmare sometimes. I don't understand why people can't realize that there are people nearby who might not appreciate them as much as they appreciate themselves.

  51. Stacey tangerinemonday.com

    We had a neighbor cut down one of our trees for firewood without asking/telling us. Not a property line tree that he could "mistake" as his, mind you. A tree that was undeniably ours, well away from his yard. So one day we look out the window and SURPRISE! a tree is gone. No explanation. My husband called up the neighbor and after explaining who he was (TWICE), the neighbor finally admitted, "Oh yeah, my son and I cut down that tree. A year ago you mentioned you were thinking about removing it."

  52. Rachel mommyneedsavacation.com

    Ugh!!! How annoying! I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this! We have neighbors who HONK every time someone leaves the house- especially during nap time! So annoying.

  53. I used to live next to a college campus. for example, some kids thought that below my window at 3am was a great time for a football game. just one of many things that made me nuts.

  54. angela nason

    Wow that is awful. Mine are better now but they had 3 teenage daughters and use to have wild drinking parties.They w ould be up till 2 or 3 when there would be a fight and the mom would be outside screaming cuss words at everyone to get out of her yard. Oh and these idiots would drive through their yard right up to my front door and drop beer bottles everywhere..did I mention that I live in a subdivision!!Tons of trucks would be everywhere the music was so loud and all the people oh and im sure the neighbors called the cops constantly and they should have gotten in trouble for all the underage drinking but they always knew cause the got the underage kids gone before the cops got there…did i mention they hit our mailbox with a baseball bat too….oh and these parties were almost every weekend so the fighting the screaming and crap went on all the time

  55. Baloney

    My neighbor introduced herself by saying she doesn't work and is on disabiltiy. I asked what the disabiltiy was and she aaid after a robbery she developed multiple personality disorder .. just two personalities as people say she can be a real bitch! I think she sued the store she worked at and concocted this to get SSI.She is very loud. She lives across the street and I have big trees blocking us but I still know, thanks to her mouth, that she has not had sex in five years. Her pitbull (one of 5 dogs in a 800 sq fot house) charged someone on the sidewalk and I called and reported it. That was the beginning of her constant screaming of profanities at me. Usually she likes to scream profantiies when other neighbors are around as she seems to like an audience. Anyways, I really don't know why she bothers me really cause I could care less what she thinks of me. She is a piece of crap. Really. I just don't like to hear the swearing when I am out in my yard as it is my sanctuary.

  56. baloneys

    My dirt bag loud mouthes neighbor lady throws rocks at squirrels.

  57. Sandra Keelez

    Well, my neighbors unfortunately were so unwelcoming when my family moved in to our home in Abington, PA . First ut was one family that lived behind us and made so much noise all night not caring if people had to wake up at 5:30 a.m. to go to work in the morning. The other family who also lived behind our home called the animal control on our dog because we didn’t know our dog was sneaking out of the back gate and roaming the neighborhood. You think they would be considerate enough to tell us instead. So unfriendly to new neighbors and this is suppose to be one of the greatest communities to live in America according to U.S. News, lol. People really do not know the truth about this suburban town right outside of Philadelphia, Pa. If people would communicate with their neighbors the world would be a better place. I wish we lived in a more secluded place than here. The people here are so hateful it is a shame. Definitely not a great place to live.

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