Always Her Baby

While we were camping, Craig and I spent much of our evenings talking of his mom.

A year ago today he sat by her side.

He smoothed her hair from her face and reassured her.

He told her that he would be okay.

That she could let go.

He promised her that he would never forget.

As his tears slid over his cheeks, he thanked her for all that she had done for him.

He assured her that he would keep her memory alive in his children…that they would know her.

He rested his head on her arm and cried.

In those moments he was just a boy…her baby boy.

Watching his mother die.

A year ago now, but his face, lit by the warm glow of the campfire, still hinted of that little boy who misses his mother.

And my heart breaks for him…an amazing man, but always her baby boy.

You can read of our tremendous loss in So Much to Say and So That You May Know Her.


  1. Rachel

    What a beautiful post Nichole. I was trying really hard not to read anything sad this morning that would make me cry. #Fail.

  2. Efloraross

    So grateful that I have not yet had to face this loss, though I know it will come. So sorry for your family as you continue to mourn your loss. May the memories bring you strength and remind you of the love that was, and still is. For that never ends!

  3. Sherri

    Always her little boy…they are, aren't they? I feel for your loss, and for what your family went through this time last year. Hugs to you both.

  4. paulakiger

    Sending thoughts to both of you today.

  5. MommaKiss

    truly beautiful, such a heartbreaking loss.

  6. JaimesStory

    Hugs to you and Craig. I'm sorry for your loss.

  7. erin margolin

    heartfelt, tender, made me weep. beautiful even in its sadness.

    hugs and thoughts for you guys today & always.

  8. Lori

    I remember this day.

    I remember praying for this moment for her, for Craig.

    But dreading it at the same time.

    Love to Craig. And you too.

  9. Much love to both of you!

  10. SquashedMom

    We circle round to our losses, over and over again. Each year a little better, a little more distance a little more getting used to the rhythms of 'without," but we never get over, we just get through. I am coming up on my second fathers day without a father, was just thinking of that today, how the loss is less sharp, less keen, but knowing I will be thinking of him, trying to figure out how not to worry at the hollow space too much, like a tongue always seeking that missing tooth.

    Tell Craig that my heart goes out to him. And you. Much love, always, V

  11. galitbreen

    So beautiful, Nichole. I'm sending you both much love- as always. XO

  12. Tayarra

    I wish I could explain the reaction that post put into my heart. It breaks and swells at the same time. The thought of my boys. The thought of losing a parent of my own. Reliving the last moments with my husband's dad. Part of me wants to break down and part of me wants to sing for the amount of love that is there with your beautiful words. I'm so sorry for your loss. Maybe some day I'll visit the other posts. Right now I am nowhere near strong enough. Thank you for sharing.

  13. Elaine

    Much love to you all. I'm sure it was a great comfort to her that he told her that your children would know her no matter what. So beautiful. I'm so sorry for you loss…

  14. Oh, how beautiful. It reminds me of "I'll Love You Forever" and makes me sad but smile at the same time. She must have been an amazing woman to raise Craig to be the man he is today.

  15. Mommy Lisa

    Sou beautiful….I am not certain my hubby would feel the same for his mother and it makes me sad.

  16. Cheryl @ Mommypants

    Hugs to you and Craig.. xo

  17. MamaRobinJ

    So, so hard. When you have small children, losing a parent must be one of the worst feelings. Hugs to all of you today.

  18. Jennifer

    One of these days I will learn to not read your blog at work. As always beautiful and touching.
    PS – when I read your original blog on the passing of mother-in-law I decided that that was the way I wanted to die.

  19. bringupbee

    I love you both, and you are in my heart today.

  20. Mrs. Wonder

    I teared up reading that, so #fail for me too.

  21. Nancy C

    Oh, wow. As you may know, my mother-in-law has been battling cancer over this past year (presently in remission, we hope), and watching my husband mourn and grieve and rage and hope has been a test and affirmation of our love.

    This is so beautifully written, and as always, so amazing.

  22. I'm speechless! I know how he feels, but I lost my grandmother and then watched my great grandmother pass. :( Very heart breaking and you never forget them or their love they gave you.

  23. Jaimie

    My heart goes out to you… both of you. <3

  24. Yuliya

    So sorry for your loss, I love that you honor her and keep her memory alive.

  25. This is so heartbreaking but so beautiful at the same time

  26. TheKirCorner

    thinking of you as you remember. Beautiful words for such a hard time. I hope our boys (and girls) love us this much! Miss us this much when we must leave them and know without exception that they were the VERY BEST PART of our LIFE.

    much love my friend.

  27. My husband lost his mother a year and a half ago. It's still a fresh wound at times. We try very much to keep her memory alive for our son, for us. Touching post.

  28. CDG

    Your grief was fresh when I first began reading you, Nichole, and while bittersweet, this post shows just how well she is remembered, what a tribute your family is to her life and legacy.

  29. julie gardner

    What a beautiful woman she must have been…to have inspired such gorgeous words, such deep love;

    to have raised such a man who adores you and your babies.

    She is still there. In everything he does, in everything Katie and Matthew will do.

    That legacy lives on.

    Wishing you both peace…

  30. @SaidKristin

    This post made me ache. Physically ache. I'm lucky enough to have not yet lost a parent, but this post made me think about the inevitable. No one can really know for sure how they'll react when it happens but, for me, I think I would be much the same way as Craig. So sorry for your loss. Both of you.

  31. Jessica

    Such a beautiful post I have goosebumps so sorry for his loss and the loss for your entire family. My husband's mom died when he was very young and it is sad to think that our children will grow up without knowing their grandmothers. I hope you had a peaceful week of remembering her.

  32. ksluiter

    I remember that day. It was right around when I "met" you and Craig via the (now defunct) running between tweets.

    I remember relating so much because Cort had had to let his dad go too. To hold his hand and tell him he would take care of the family.


    The loss really never gets easier. But he is right…your children will know her.

  33. Tonya

    What a a beautiful post, Nichole. It never gets easier, does it?

    I understand all to well.

    Love to you and Craig. xoxo

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