This week’s Small Moments Mondays guest poster has inspired me with her tremendous bravery in the face of true heartache. Despite being faced with unspeakable losses, Tonya, from Letters for Lucas, not only continues on, but does so with a grace and beauty that I admire beyond words.
Tonya is quick to offer a shoulder or a laugh and I am so incredibly grateful to call her my friend.
Thank you, Tonya, for being my friend, inspiring me with your words and strength of character, and understanding my ridiculous love for Dave Matthews. You get me.
Two Become Three — by Tonya
My parents both passed away in October 2007 and while this tragic and unexpected event rattled me to the core and certainly derailed me for a while, my husband, Todd and I were still very anxious to start a family of our own.
We had been trying on and off to conceive for six months and it wasn’t happening but we weren’t discouraged yet. In other words, I wasn’t taking my temperature or peeing on an ovulation sticks. We figured it would happen when the time was right.
Low and behold… sometimes, often times, life can change so quickly and most of the time without any warning and the smallest of moments can lead to the greatest of gifts.
On Wednesday, October 8, 2008, almost a year to the date of my parents’ deaths, I discovered I was pregnant with my son Lucas.
I was elated and scared to death all at the same time when I saw the digital word: PREGNANT appear on the EPT stick. In that moment I experienced so many emotions, but most of all, I couldn’t wait to tell Todd.
I started crying tears of joy and sadness. I was in shock and then quickly became very worried.
A baby wasn’t going to replace my mother and father. On one hand, bringing a child into the world would be proof that life goes on with or without a broken heart and on the other, I didn’t want to be so broken hearted that I would end up being a terrible parent.
I will never forget pulling the test out of my purse while sitting in our favorite restaurant, sliding it across the table and my husband asking me if it was still wet!
We had no idea what was in store for us in the eight months that followed. It was a roller coaster ride of fears and doubts and then acceptance and pure excitement.
I did my best to focus on sending love and light to the new life inside me and ended up having the BEST pregnancy.
Todd and I enjoyed every minute of reading What To Expect When You’re Expecting out loud to one another in bed late at night, learning what size fruit our baby resembled. We had fun taking monthly baby bump photos and especially seeing our son to be in ultrasounds. We kept our secret just between us for several months and then were ecstatic to finally share our news with family and friends. We watched my body change and grow and grow and grow, felt our baby kick, put together his crib, registered for shower gifts, tested stroller after stroller, took more parenting classes than I care to admit and made lists of names we liked and could agree upon.
Naming a child is one of the most difficult tasks assigned to parents to be. Do you go with a family name, something utterly unique or keep it traditional? We knew our son’s middle name would be Michael, after my father but we were all over the map when it came to our baby’s first name.
We discussed Benjamin, Fox, Gavin, Carson, Carter and James and finally settled on Lucas. Todd and I met in Cabo San Lucas, so this made perfect sense, once we finally got to it.
Our son’s name was important and the homage to my father very much so, but it would be the amazing little person that carried the names that made this small moment life changing.
It was a wonderful time in our lives, those nine months before two became three and all because of one moment when the universe smiled down on us worked in our favor.