One More

There are times when I am so fearful that the baby that we want so desperately won’t come.

I look at Katie and Matthew and my heart aches for just one more child.

One more child to be a part of what we have built.

One more child to have all that neither Craig nor I had.

A solid family. A mother, a father, predictability, stability.

When I see Katie run for the garage door to greet Craig when he gets home at night, a piece of me heals.

When I nurse Matthew at bedtime and I can hear Craig reading Katie her bedtime stories, a piece of me heals.

When I come downstairs on Saturday mornings and see my family together, snuggling on the sofa, a piece of me heals.

When I catch Katie watching me kiss her daddy, a piece of me heals.

I didn’t have this.

Craig didn’t have this.

But our children do.

It is such a remarkable thing to experience…this feeling of being part of a solid whole.

Just one more baby…just one more tiny life with whom to share all of this.

Just one more.


  1. Galit Breen

    Oh friend! Wow. This was gorgeous. Honest. Transparent. All heart. I'm sending you and your beautiful family all of the good thoughts that I have. That's going to be one incredibly lucky "one more." XO

  2. Frelle

    thank you for sharing your heart. <3

  3. So beautiful! It will happen, how can it not? How can anyone not see that to place a child in the care of you four is the most perfect place to be? I'm sending all my love and baby thoughts your way!

  4. Jessica

    It's so great that you can give your children those things that you and Craig never had.

  5. SquashedMom

    Oh, Nichole. this is so lovely. I hope with all my heart that your wishes are answered and that you get your "one more." Or, who knows… maybe it will be two more – twins! ;-)

  6. Vi Nguyen

    Oh Nichole, I was feeling the EXACT same way last year. After wanting a baby for so long and trying so many times, now that I have my baby I'm so afraid of bad things happening to her because I wanted her so badly! But the whole TTC period was the worst! Keep thinking positively and know that it's going to happen! I'll be waiting for your post that says you're pregnant haha =)

  7. Klz

    I hear you. I really do.

  8. Krista

    You two have created something wonderful for your two kids – a family to comfort them, a place for them to feel safe and secure, more love than one could imagine. I'm hoping that you get to add a third baby to the family.

  9. mad woman

    Oh Nichole, my friend. Your words, the love for your family is so beautiful. Your children are so blessed to have you as their mother. I pray you find your heart's desire. And that your wait will be short.
    You are in my heart and my prayers.

    And where are the damn tissues?

  10. Jessica

    Goosebumps. I understand every word of this and hope for that one more for you with everything I've got.

  11. Evonne

    It's a beautiful thing to be able to give your kids what you and your husband didn't have. I hope that you are able to show this love to another little one.

    I know how you feel.

  12. Jaime

    It's so lovely to see someone take the crappiness and make it beautiful. Instead of looking around at your broken childhood and saying "Hmm, guess this is life" you took a stand and said "No! My children and I will have better." Bravo to you for breaking that cycle. Your family is amazingly beautiful. I love reading about them.

    PS…I was so hoping that the last line would say you were pregnant. Hope you know you have lots of people pulling for you.

  13. I am sending such good thoughts to you and Craig. When your third little bundle does enter your life, he or she will be so very lucky to be a part of your family. xoxo

  14. Alison

    As always, your words are effortless and beautiful. Sending you love and light and may your hopes become reality, soon.

  15. Sigh. I feel you lady.

    Thanks for being so open and vulnerable! xo

  16. Sherri

    Oh my sweet friend….I hope beyond hope that you get your wish, to add to this adorable little family that I am blessed to have shared a table with!

    You have so much to love, and so much love to give. What a beautiful post.

    Hugs to you..

  17. Stacey

    I am crossing my fingers for you. You have an amazing family and so much love to give. Hugs!

  18. Cheryl @ Mommypants

    So lovely, Nichole. So you.


  19. Very sweet post. Prayers for one more come your way!

  20. Oh honey…I don't know what to say; my hubby just looks at me and we are pregnant. I don't know that ache, that pain, that longing….but I still hurt for you just the same. ANd pray that God makes your family what he wants it to be. On a lighter note…what a great reason to have sex ALL…THE….TIME!!

  21. Such a beautiful post! I love it!

  22. So beautiful Nichole! :) I hope you will be pregnant soon with beautiful baby no. 3! :) xoxo

  23. You pulled my heart right out of me with this one, Nichole.

    Love to you and your beautiful family…

  24. beforethebabywakes

    I'm sure that you will have another you seem to be such a wonderful mom that it only makes sense that someone like you should know the joy of feeling like you have a complete family.

  25. alisha

    sweet woman…what a beautiful sharing. prayers & positives for you& all your healing.

  26. Sara

    You're in my thoughts, Nichole. Wishing you and Craig the best of luck!

  27. ksluiter

    yes. one more.

    i am praying for your family. if you feel you are not complete? that there is another member who is not present? Than it must be. Somehow.

  28. Mandy

    This made me Cry, Nichole… I want one more for you!! I love your family, and can see so clearly why it heals you. Love you.

  29. Bobbie

    Nichole this was lovely and honest… My oldest is 22 my middle is 14 and my youngest is 2. It will happen for you watch and see… it may not be within YOUR timing, but the timing will be absolutely perfect. I did not think I would ever want a 3rd child, yet 11 years later (and not doing anything to prevent it the entire time) I was missing babies… the next thing I knew I was pregnant. It was difficult and I nearly died, but he is a blessing I never knew I needed. You are a wonderful lady from what I have read and seen… It will happen so…"Do not be sad Petri"…. it's not "IF", but "WHEN". You have my prayers and good thoughts.

  30. Natalie

    xoxoxox my friend….you know that I'm always thinking and praying for you guys.

  31. MamaRobinJ

    I understand. I want one more and my struggle with PPD is making me feel like it's never going to happen. That maybe I won't be able to do it again. And yet I feel we're not complete.

    I hope you are soon. I really, really do.

  32. Rachel

    I really hope you guys have another baby. You are such a beautiful family and I just love you all dearly!!!! Beautiful post Nichole!

  33. Nichole

    Thank you, my friend. Can't wait to hug you in August! xo

  34. Nichole

    Thank you so much for reading. You are so lovely. :)

  35. Nichole

    Thank you, Erin.
    One more isn't too much to ask, right?

  36. Nichole

    Thank you, Jessica.
    While my mother is amazing, as was Craig's, there's something so magical about knowing that we are showing our kids what a strong and happy marriage is.

  37. Nichole

    My first reaction is to tell you to bite your tongue!
    But, there is a tiiiiiny part of me that thinks that might be kind of amazing.
    Tiny, I tell you.
    Thank you for your kind words here…

  38. Nichole

    The hardest part of having a child, I'm convinced, is that once they are born, it's like a piece of yourself is out there and that feels oh-so-very vulnerable.

    I can't wait to write that post.
    Thank you for your thoughtful words here. :)

  39. Nichole

    I know you do.
    Much love…

  40. Nichole

    Thank you so much, Krista.
    Though every family requires work to thrive, I am so grateful for this amazing life we have. And the thought of sharing that with another baby to love makes my heart nearly explode.

  41. Nichole

    Amy? This family is what I always dreamed of.
    Katie is requesting a "girl baby."

    Thank you for your kindness, my lovely friend. Can't wait to see you in May!

  42. Nichole

    Thank you, Evonne.
    We just want to give them the best possible start. We want to give them a solid foundation from which to approach life.

    I am so grateful for your kind words. :)

  43. Nichole

    Thank you, Jaime.
    Though we each had mothers who did such a great job, neither of us knew what it meant to have both a mother and a father throughout our childhoods.

    I truly believe it's the greatest gift.

    Oh, how I wish that my last line could have said that!

    Thank you, Jaime…for reading and for your words of kindness.

  44. Nichole

    Thank you, Angela!
    You are so wonderful. :)

  45. Nichole

    Thank you, Alison, from the bottom of my heart.

  46. Nichole

    I know you do, Laura.
    You've been in my thoughts.
    I'm always here…

  47. Nichole

    Thank you, Sherri, my amazing friend.
    Having you in our home was such a joy for us. We need to set another date to get together!
    Much love…

  48. Nichole

    Thank you, Stacey!
    You'll keep them crossed until the positive test right? Please? ;)

  49. Nichole

    Thank you…for your words, your friendship, your comfort.
    So much love to you.

  50. Nichole

    Thank you, Mandi. Your prayers are more appreciated than you can imagine.

  51. Nichole

    Thank you, Crystal. Thank you for always being there…for understanding.
    Much love to you.

  52. Nichole

    Thank you so much!

  53. Nichole

    Thank you so much for coming over, Connie.
    There is absolutely no shortage of love in our home. Our kids will probably one day soon be grossed out by us. :)

    The relationship that you have with your parents sounds so wonderful, so supportive and loving.

    My prayers are with you, too. I wish you an easy journey.

  54. Nichole

    Thank you so very much.
    Please, let it be soon.

  55. Peggy

    You have so much love to give, and you are both such loving parents that any child would be blessed to have you. Sending you a Maine hug.

  56. Mama Track

    This is a beautifully honest post. You guys are obviously fabulous parents. Wishing you all the best.

  57. Paula Kiger

    Healing is a wonderful thing …. blessings to all of you. :-)

  58. @LittleMsP

    Honest. Beautiful. Heartfelt. I completely understand how you feel. God Bless!

  59. Grownup wishes are so touching – hope you are blessed with one more :)

  60. Nichole

    Thank you, Julie.
    Coming from you, that means the world.
    Love to you all as well…

  61. Nichole

    Thank you for that.
    Being a mother is such a tricky thing…trying to teach them from my own mistakes while allowing them to make their own.

    But the joy? The joy is simply immeasurable.

  62. Nichole

    Thank you so much…for the kind words and the prayers.

  63. Nichole

    Thank you, Sara!
    What about you? ;)
    Love you!

  64. Nichole

    Thank you, my dear Katie.
    Yes, somehow.

  65. Nichole

    Thank you, Mandy.
    It's funny how wounds you carry for your whole life can be healed by the love of your family.

  66. Nichole

    Thank you so much for your kind words, Bobbie.
    It sounds like your family turned out perfectly.
    I'm so happy to see you here.
    I am so grateful for your thoughts and prayers. :)

  67. Nichole

    Oh, Natalie…how did I get so lucky as to have you for my friend?
    Whether on the phone, Skype, Twitter, or email, you're always there for me.
    Just wait until this summer! ;)
    I'm so grateful for you.

  68. sugarbowlmix

    Sending preggo vibes your way! The love and beauty you have in your family, that comes through in such a lovely way on your blog, surely has space for another!

  69. Nichole

    I can't even imagine how tough it is to fight that.
    My prayers are with you and your family as you try to navigate this.
    Much love to you…

  70. Nichole

    Craig and I were just saying the same thing about you, Josh, Sadie, and Tyler.
    We just adore you.
    C'mon…we can hold hands. :)

  71. Nichole

    Thank you, Aunt Peggy.
    Hard to believe that at this time last year, you and Uncle Max were here at our home.
    Oh, how I wish it was an annual trip for you.
    I love you so very much!

  72. Nichole

    It really is, Paula.
    It took me a long time to get to this place and I am so grateful for it all.
    Thank you for reading and leaving your blessings. :)

  73. Nichole

    Thank you so very much for reading and for understanding.

  74. Nichole

    What a lovely comment.
    Thank you so very much. :)

  75. Nichole

    Thank you so much, Anne!
    You have no idea just how much your words mean to me.

  76. Bod for tea

    Oh Nichole I SO understand how you feel. You and me both my dear. Keeping fingers and toes crossed for us both x

  77. Jenni Chiu

    Oh, I am hoping so very much that you guys get the one more you want and deserve. I understand.
    Beautiful post.

  78. Melissa

    I know the feeling. It didn't end up happening for me, but I wish you the best of luck!! (I came over from RDC.)

  79. That is exactly how I feel, I want my kids to have better then I did. Beautiful post.

    Visiting from The Red Dress Club.

  80. Elisa

    A beautiful post. Some of our best writing is when we show our true selves, feelings and dreams. Wishing you the best of luck that your dream comes true. (Visiting from The Red Dress Club))

  81. They do heal, don't they?
    I hope you get what you ache for.
    Came by from TRDC.

  82. Jen Has A Pen

    I know this fear. I am so sorry you are having to experience such anxiety about it. This is so beautifully written, so heart felt, so raw, and I enjoyed it. But I feel almost guilty enjoying it because I know it's coming from such a painful place. You've been through so much with you struggles to have the first two, and I hope so badly that this go 'round will be simple. I hope next month is your month, and if it's not, then I hope for the month after. I'm thinking of you, temping with you, and busting out my cheerleading skirt in your honor! ;-)

  83. Kristy

    Awww! My husband and I are so happy to have given our son more than what we have to. I can relate to that.

  84. ahhh i felt those words, i really did. beautifully written and very honest. thankyou for sharing xxxx stopping by from the rdc linkup x

  85. Absolutely beautiful and open. Thank you for sharing. And I will keep you and the entire family in my thoughts with hopes of baby dust sprinkled your way.

  86. daigoume

    My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

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