I’m thrilled to have Liz, from a belle, a bean, and a chicago dog as my guest poster on Small Moments Mondays this week.

I’m not sure how she found the time to write this lovely piece for me, as she simply amazes me with just how much she has going on; she’s co-editor at Our Mommyhood, an About One Mom Panel member, and has her own BlogFrog community. Oh, yeah, and two beautiful daughters, an amazing husband, and a gorgeous dog.

Just thinking about all that she accomplishes exhausts me.

Though Liz clearly has tons going on, she still has time to offer a kind word, help you if you’re having trouble, or just make you laugh. She is loved across the blogosphere and I’m truly honored to have her here today.

Thank you, Liz, for sharing your story here.

Waiting — by Liz

I was surprised to hear her voice calling my name.  Wasn’t calling patients back for their appointments a task generally reserved for nurses?  But with my chart in hand, Dr. Mac ushered me through the door and down an unfamiliar hallway towards ultrasound.

I’m surprised I haven’t gotten a call yet, begging for Zofran.  I figured we should take a look and make sure everything is going well.

I was somewhere between 6 and 7 weeks pregnant, and even though she wasn’t my OB for my first pregnancy, she knew the full history of my severe hyperemesis, followed by PPD.

Everything looked great that day, and I left with a sense of calm that all was going very well with my 2nd pregnancy.

Appointment #2 was 4 weeks later.  It was also the first time I’d get to hear the heartbeat.  I was able to leave Kate with a neighbor that day and expected to be in and out with just enough time to get home for Kate’s lunch and nap.  After the standard-issue weigh-in and cup-peeing, I was excited for the magical doppler to make it’s appearance from the pocket of Dr. Mac’s white coat.

The cold jelly oozed on my already-popped belly.  Dr. Mac nestled the doppler into the goo puddle, and started weaving it back and forth.

No matter the angle she tried, she wasn’t finding a heartbeat.

You know, I’m going to get a different doppler.  I’ll be right back.

She exited the room as I tried to ease the queasy feeling growing in my gut.  I told myself that Dr. Mac would come back in with a different doppler and we’d hear the heartbeat, racing just like Kate’s had at this point.

Unfortunately, doppler #2 did not produce the results I had hoped.

Let’s get you down to ultrasound and take a better look” as Dr. Mac leaned out of the exam room to peek down the hall. “Oh wait – looks like someone’s in there right now.  Just sit tight and I’ll come back and get you as soon as ultrasound is free.

And with that she left, closing the door behind her.

Waiting, alone, doesn’t do anything but increase the speed at which thoughts run through your head.  See, after Baby #1, I swore up and down that I would N.E.V.E.R. have another baby.  It took 20 months and the passing of my grandmother before I had a strong urge to jump on the Baby Train again.  And even then, my feelings on doing so changed with the day.  I started and stopped the pill too many times to count.  And it is still unbelievable to me that the planets aligned just right to get pregnant so fast.  That all it took was one “try” on a day that I was both off the pill and wanting another baby.

Yes.  Getting pregnant with Baby #2 was actually that easy.

And it was that “easy” that made me feel like this really was too good to be true.  Maybe I was meant to only have 1 child.  I wished we didn’t tell Kate she was going to be a big sister.  I had been envisioning us as a family of 4 but apparently that was not in the cards for us.

About 5 minutes into my wait, a nurse came in with my paperwork.

You’re free to go.  We’ll see you back in 4 weeks.

I sat there, still.

I, uh…

Head hanging down, tears began to fall.

Dr. Mac couldn’t find a heartbeat.  I’m waiting for ultrasound.

Her face softened, “Oh, honey.  I see this happen a lot.  Don’t let your mind get the better of you.  Just wait and see what the ultrasound shows.

She handed me a box of tissues and closed the door behind her.

Craig was out of town.  How would I call him and give him the bad news?  What if I couldn’t reach him?  Did I need to wait until he got back home before I told him?

The door opened once again, then Dr. Mac ushered me down the same hallway that 4 weeks earlier had been unknown to me.

I sat down, pulling up my shirt in preparation for the cold goo.  Dr. Mac flipped on the ultrasound machine, and as soon as the wand touched my belly, there she was.

Our little peanut.

Just perfect.

Moving and kicking.

Heartbeat racing.

My entire body relaxed at knowing that all, in fact, was well, and that we would, in fact, be a family of 4.

Now that you’ve read Liz’s amazing story here, please go visit her on her blog. Don’t miss some of my absolute favorites: Through the screen doorHow Twitter is like first base, and Warning: Mama Bear approaching.

Don’t forget to follow Liz on Twitter and check out her Facebook page.



  1. Mad Woman behind the Blog

    Oh Liz, I was holding my breath through this post. What a relief that you were able to see your happy little peanut, your Maddie.
    And thank you Nichole for giving us this opportunity to see a more personal tender side of our Liz!

  2. Galit Breen theselittlewaves.com/

    Oh thank goodness for the ending! beautiful post, you had me hanging on every word!

  3. Yuliya shesuggests.com/

    Liz this is a lovely side of you. I am so glad this story has a happy ending…I mean "A belle and a Chicago dog" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

  4. Kristi liveandloveoutloud.com

    Ugh! Waiting is excruciating, especially when the effects can be life-altering and earth shaking. I'll never forget having to undergo an amniocentesis with my first and last pregnancies in order to rule out earlier tests that pointed toward neurological issues in the babies. Waiting to hear back about the results for a few days was almost too much to bear. Thankfully, they were just fine but boy does that waiting do a pregnant woman in! Great post, Liz. :)

  5. Jessica mytimeasmom.com

    How terrible to be sitting in the doctor's office alone waiting. I'm glad that it all worked out well for you and that you have your wonderful family of four.

  6. Betsy funkymamabird.com

    I had that same wait. Stoopid tipped uterus, couldn't pick up the heart beat until close to 20 weeks so I went through THREE of those hellish moments.

  7. JDaniel4's Mom jdaniel4smom.com

    Liz had me so mad at the nurse. I know I wouldn't have believed everything would be okay until I saw it for myself.

  8. jessb27

    LIz, I was holding my breath for you through that post. How awful that you had to wait so long to find out that things were okay but how wonderful that they were.

  9. liz

    Oh, Yuliya! Leave it to you to think of that! :)

  10. liz

    I did an amnio with Kate. Craig was out of town for that, too. :)

  11. liz

    Actually, my doc thinks the previa is why that event occurred. Of course we didn't know about the previa at the time, but it makes sense because the placenta would have "blocked" the doppler from doing its job.

  12. liz

    Thank you! And thanks for the tweet, too!

  13. liz

    I know. I don't get "tender" very often. ;-) But I'd do it any time for Nichole!

  14. liz

    Waiting alone = too many chances for your brain to race.

  15. moments like that are so hard… thank God that everything turned out well.

  16. Efloraross thewriterrevived.com

    I was on pins and needles, my stomach in knots right along with you. Because I have been there. I'm so glad this story had a happy ending!

  17. I was so glad to read the ending of this moment! What an awful thing to have to wait alone with your thoughts :( I am so happy things worked out the way they did; I don't think your video would have had the same feeling last night had Kate been interviewing you or Craig :)

  18. Oh my gosh, Liz. That is one very scary small moment. This is beautifully written. I know that wait well, and it's FOREVER…no matter the news. I'm so glad your news was happy. Thank you for sharing this intimate moment of your life with us,

  19. Yep, I was holding my breath, too. So glad for you that everything turned out okay. Fabulous writing!

  20. Heart in my throat. Now smiling.
    Happy Small Moment.
    And many happy birthdays since…

  21. Oh girl!! What a scary moment…I can't imagine how you felt alone in that room. What torture!!

  22. bywordofmouth

    See, you have your ying and yang …
    our technical can do anything help with you anything at the drop of a hat guru
    and the real Liz :)

  23. Stacey staceysmotheringmoments.com

    I hate that moment. I hate waiting and not knowing. We had an incredibly scary experience with our #5. We thought it was an ectopic pregnancy. I had surgery and everything. It turned out to be a ruptured cyst. The most incredible words I ever heard were, "You are still pregnant." Beautiful post!

  24. Natalie mommyofamonster.com

    Such a beautiful story to share here, Liz!

  25. I can't imagine living through those minutes.

    I can't imagine that wait.

    I'm simply so so glad that there was good news at the end of it.

    Beautifully written.

  26. Kir thekircorner.com

    I lived those moments too…after our IVF and them finding nothing in my uterus, only to have the Dr come in and find twins. I held my breath for you, like I did for myself all those years ago.
    I was breathless with it.

    SO glad that they found that baby for you….what a gorgeous piece.

  27. Kimberly rubberchickenmadness.com

    Waiting is always the hardest part. And you capture that feeling beautifully with your words in this piece.

  28. kris

    I do not have a moment exactly like this . . . but that moment in which your thoughts race forward to the worst possible outcome and begin to process what that version of the future will look like? Oh, I have known that.

    I am so glad that in your case those thoughts were for nothing.

    So glad.

  29. andygirl

    oh the pure relief and happiness you must have felt! I was on the edge of my seat with you every step. <3

  30. such good news! the same thing happened to a friend of mine just a couple of weeks ago – they were sent to a 3D specialized u/s tech and thank God everything is perfect!

  31. Megan-Best of Fates bestoffates.com

    So scary – I was glad I knew the ending was gonna be good going in!

  32. We had that scare with my oldest grandson. Even though the timing wasn't right for my daughter to have a baby, once you know IT is there, you want it, no matter how difficult the situation. She spotted at 6 weeks and it was really too early to find the heartbeat. They actually made her wait til the next day when the U/S tech was there to do a vaginal. (this was 10 years ago, not as advanced as now) Everything was fine, and he is a bright, precocious almost 11 year old!
    Any wait when you are pregnant is scary. 5 minutes, 5 hours or 5 days!
    Great story telling, Liz!
    Finally Find Your Balance!

  33. sugarbowlmix

    You packed a lot of emotion into that short post: fear, anxiety, grief, sadness, hope and elation. So well done and so glad that little Maddie came through so she could show off her cuteness on AFV last night!

  34. Melissa confessionsofadrmom.com

    Oh LIz, waiting like that must have seemed like forever. SOO glad all turned out well :) Wonderful to see you here today.

  35. Renee 2old2tap.blogspot.com

    That waiting is awful. It gives the mind way too much time to conjure up bad news.

    I'm glad all was well.

  36. liz

    Having to articulate why I was waiting, was very hard.

  37. liz

    I could not believe when she told me there was someone in U/S!

  38. liz

    Very true. I don't think Craig's fussy face at the end would have made the cut for AFV. ;-)

  39. liz

    You are WAY too kind, Sis.

    Though I really love that Maddie's fussy face was the last one you say before hitting the hay!

  40. liz

    I'm glad you left smiling!

  41. liz

    I had to have an amnio done with Kate's pregnancy, and Craig wasn't there for that, either.

    I don't know how he manages to avoid all the stressful pregnancy stuff!

  42. liz

    Wow, Stacy! Surgery and all? Thank goodness it all went well!

  43. liz

    That sounds like a serious roller coaster! Goodness!!

  44. liz

    Thanks, Kris!

  45. liz

    It's times like that I can't imagine being a doctor and delivering bad news.

  46. liz

    We ended up finding out later that I had placenta previa, which totally explains the inability to find the heartbeat with the doppler at that time.

  47. liz

    Cuz it's all about the ridiculous family time, right? :)

  48. Love you Liz

  49. Ilana @mommyshorts mommyshorts.com/

    I got a little chill at the words— our little peanut. I know the waiting all to well. This was one of my favorite posts of yours Liz!

  50. Cheryl @ Mommypants mommypants.com

    Every time with that doppler. Every. Time. Those moments until she found it were the worst moments of my pregnancy.

    So glad it turned out the way it did for you!

  51. andygirl

    I know. it must be awful.

  52. liz

    Melissa, I have no idea how doctors prepare themselves to deliver bad news, if there is some to pass along. How do you do it?!?

  53. liz

    Yes! The mind racing can be your worst enemy!

  54. liz

    Thanks so much, Ilana!

  55. liz

    Yes, thank goodness!

  56. Alexandra174

    I think, "Don't know what you have, until you almost lose it."

    Thank God for the happy ending.

    LOVE seeing Liz here. She is the best.

  57. Nina Badzin

    Oh Liz, I was in suspense the whole time here!!

  58. Elaine misselaineouslife.com

    Oh my goodness, I could not imagine!! I was so relieved to hear at the end that she was fine even though I was pretty sure that was the outcome!

  59. Rachel mommyneedsavacation.com

    I was holding my breath through this whole post! Liz, you poor thing going through that…alone!

  60. ~*Jess*~ straighttalkjess.com

    That was a beautiful post. How terrifying! But so glad that it all worked out :)

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