Tucked Away

With piles of Katie’s clothes all around me, and my Aunt Peggy sitting across from me on the floor, I lifted one tiny, pink item at a time, and shared a precious memory with each.

They were stories of firsts… day at the ocean, Christmas morning, visit from the Easter bunny, journey to Maine, camping trip.

We wouldn’t need those clothes any longer. We had two children…a girl and a boy. Our family was complete.

My cousin has a baby girl, sweet, beautiful Penny, to whom I wanted to give those clothes.  I knew that my cousin would love them as much I had.

I separated a handful of things that I couldn’t part with, the ivory floral dress that Craig chose for her that she wore home from the hospital, the pink and white seersucker outfit that she wore on her first birthday, her first pair of Mary Janes…things that held so much emotion in them that I will forever keep them.

Perhaps one day, I’ll pass them on to Katie, but, probably I won’t.

My aunt patiently listened to all of my stories, she was exactly what I needed for her to be…curator of the love tied up into those clothes. She gently folded each item and we shipped them all back to Maine.

We wouldn’t need them.

Matthew was our last child.

But, somewhere, deep inside, in that place where you tuck things away that you are hesitant to speak of, Craig and I weren’t certain that we were done.

One night in January of this year, over a quiet dinner, Craig and I admitted to one another that we’d like to have just one more baby…that we still have enough love in our hearts to welcome one more child into our family.

So, we’ve taken a detour. A happy, unexpected detour.

We are hoping for just one more baby.

Boy or girl, the next baby will be wearing Matthew’s clothes, because we gave nearly all of Katie’s away.

And if you have any baby dust to spare, we could really use it.

80 comments

  1. Sending you lots of baby dust!

  2. Yuliya shesuggests.com/

    I am sending you SO MUCH DUST that you'll wind up with twins!

  3. Good luck!

  4. YAY! I will be thinking happy baby thoughts for you! I knew you needed just one more! I can't wait to hear it all unfold!

  5. MamaRobinJ

    Oh, this makes me so happy! Baby dust comin' atcha

  6. Sending fertile, healthy thoughts your way!!

  7. kris

    Happy sighs.

    Such lovely news.

  8. jfarelyn

    thinking fertile thoughts for you!! :) <3

  9. Mimi wovenbywords.blogspot.com

    Totally sending baby thoughts your way. What a special hope.

  10. So exciting! Lots of baby dust headed your way!

  11. Lydia squidmom.com

    This is too too awesome! I’m wishing you all the luck in the world and a ton of baby dust your way!

  12. Jennie B

    Ack! I love it! And what a lucky little one he or she will be.

  13. Sending lots of pregnant thoughts your way! My baby just hit 2 1/2. I was sure we were done…but now??? Only time will tell!

  14. SquashedMom

    That is so wonderful! I wish you rapid success (and lots of fun trying). You know how much I wish we had been able to have a third.

    And don't worry about the boy clothes if it's a girl…. You just ask every reader to send you a beloved piece or two of their little girl's outgrown clothing and you'll be swamped by cute girly clothes in no time, and connected in yet another way to so many people who love you.

    Love the creative interpretation of "detour," by the way.

  15. Sherri

    I am sending all the baby dust and wishes I can muster up for you two, who I adore so much! And I remember so well talking and wondering about this possibility back when we met in November.____There's enough love between you two to support and entire Brady Bunch! You guys make me smile…enjoy your family time this weekend. Hope to see you soon!

  16. Galit Breen theselittlewaves.com

    I know that feeling of not-quite-doneness and it's STRONG. So with that kind of strength I am sending you all that is good and wonderful and baby-esque. *Sigh* This was lovely to read! Truly. :)

  17. tsonoda148

    Sending you many good wishes and happy thoughts. Loved this post!

  18. Sending baby dust and good wishes to you!

  19. @RatZest twitter.com/RatZest

    All the best Nichole. All the very best

  20. Leigh Ann thetwinspin.blogspot.com

    Oh this is so sweet. I clearly remember each time I cleaned the twins' closet out, pulling out things that no longer fit, boxing them up to make room for new items. I always marveled at the memories. Here's hoping your wishes for baby #3 come true!

  21. jessb27

    Baby dust, baby dust…. sending it your way. So perfect, I kept wondering what your detour would be. I look forward to following you on the journey this detour takes. Baby dust, one more time. :)

  22. angel singedwingangel.blogspot.com

    Tons of baby dust tossed at you.. Hoping you will soon be blessed with that 3rd baby ..

  23. momwentcrazy

    When I had Emma sprinkle 'fairy dust' on the back porch so we would get some snow I unleashed the most devastatingly long and snowy winter of my life. It actually broke records for snowfall. Unless you want to end up with your own TLC show, I think I'll keep our fairy dust at home.

  24. Peggy

    Wow, that certainly is an unexpected, but pleasant detour! I'm glad that you made the decision, I think that you will be more at peace with each time Matthew passes another baby phase. And as for those clothes of Katie's, UPS goes both ways across this country. I'm pretty sure that Penny didn't wear them out very much since most were summer (California) clothes, and if you remember right, summer doesn't last long here in Maine.
    If you have another girl, you are so getting them back :o )

  25. Jen Has A Pen jenhasapen.com

    This is such exciting news! I am so hopeful things go smoothly and you are able to conceive without an ounce of stress. :-)

    That picture of Katie is adorable, but what I can't get over are the chubby tops of her feet!!! Love her!

  26. Kir thekircorner.com

    ahhh, wishing you lots of BABY DUST…
    your daughter is just gorgeous, look at those beautiful eyes. :)

  27. tracy sellabitmum.com

    Sending so much dust. What wonderful news. xo

  28. multitaskingmumma

    I have butterflies.
    Sending all the baby dust I have piling up over here.
    And all the girl clothes you want!!

  29. Jaime ainsleylynn.blogspot.com

    Oh my! I just have to say that I LOVE THIS!!!! I have to force myself to live in the moment, to appreciate today and not worry or fret or think about tomorrow all the time. But when it comes to babies, I only try and think as far as the current baby will take me. A long time ago I said "I'd like to have 4, but we'll see what comes with 1." Then I had 1 and I knew I wanted another. Then I had 2 and I know I want another. Not yet, but maybe in the next year. So, I'd like to have 4 but we'll see what 3 brings.

    And so I love that you had made a decision about something, but now living your life, you've changed that decision. That is amazing!

    Sending all my happy, lucky, good fortune fertility vibes your way.

  30. Kris whatscookingkris.blogspot.com

    You're posts are always so sweet. I hope baby #3 happens soon for you.

  31. Megan-Best of Fates bestoffates.com

    YAY! You and Craig are such a great couple and such great parents – I'm so glad another little one is going to have the blessing of having you two as mom and dad.

  32. Kris whatscookingkris.blogspot.com

    Your. Not You're. Sorry 'bout that.

  33. Cate catelinden.com

    First, how adorable is Katie in that picture?!

    And…I am so excited for you all!

  34. Tammy

    May God Bless you and your husband soon. At 45 years old and with 3 grown children, I brought the idea up to my husband recently. I don't know why I felt this way, but I did. So lots of talking and lots of tears brought us to the decision that it would be wiser to just shower our grandchildren with all the love we would have given to another child of our own.

  35. KLZ taminginsanity.com

    Oh, I'm so stupid happy you guys made this decision.

  36. @sharmstro twitter.com/sharmstro

    A surprise! I love surprises. And I loved the way you wrapped this surprise.
    All tucked away beautifully. Such perfection! I always look forward to your gifts, Nicole!
    I am all out of baby dust here, but I'll add some grandma sparkle for luck.
    All the best to you, Nicole & Craig!

  37. Best of luck to you and your family. Such a lovely detour to take.

    Stopping by from TRDC

  38. Best of luck to you! This was a sweet post. I had such a hard time parting with some of my son's things, and have that stash of the ones full of memories that I couldn't let go. Sweet to think you may do it one more time. And that picture? Melt my heart with sweetness!!

  39. Jennifer Dillon

    I love how quiet this was, and the unspoken yearning was so nicely embedded. This piece was just woven with love, for your cousin, aunt, niece, children and husband.

    My aunt patiently listened to all of my stories, she was exactly what I needed for her to be…curator of the love tied up into those clothes.

    Was really a lovely line.

  40. Sending you baby dust all the way from Michigan!

  41. TheJackB thejackb.com

    That is the kind of detour that is well worth taking.

  42. Life As I Know It lifeaiknowit.com

    That's the best kind of detour to make.

    Good luck to you!!

  43. erin margolin erinmargolin.com

    Speaking as one just heading down this very same detour, albeit unexpectedly and after thinking I was completely infertile, I am sprinking baby dust all over you right now!

    This was tender and lovely and oh-so-beautiful.

    We thought we were done, too.
    HUGS!

  44. Jaimie legosinmypocket.blogspot.com

    I LOVE that your deciding to bring more love to your home with another one! BABYDUST x a trillion for you!!

  45. @lythics twitter.com/lythics

    Baby dust and lots of hugs! :)

  46. Kristin peaceloveandmuesli.com

    Sending all my baby dust, fairy dust and any other helpful dust I have. Also good wishes.

  47. C.mom ciaomom.com

    Yeah!!! And what a great detour!!!Sending you baby dust, though I'm sprinkling some on my house as well bc we are starting to "try" as well! :) )

  48. Tracie fromtracie.com

    So beautiful and so very wonderful!!

  49. BalancingMama

    Oooh, great news! Sending baby vibes your way.

  50. That is such exciting news! Good luck in growing your family!

  51. Elaine misselaineouslife.com

    OH goodness, I've got chills! I love that you've made that decision. I love having my three. :) And I felt so much emotion about the clothes, while reading this because I don't want to give any of my little girls' away she is definitely our last so I need to part with some stuff soon… *sigh*

  52. amanda

    I said almost those exact same words "enough love in our hearts for one more" before having our third child…and fourth. You can't ignore those feelings, and, at least for me, they've never gone away. I would gladly have ten kids if there weren't such trivial things to think about such as food, heat, and clothing ;)

    Lovely post, and wishing you all the best.

  53. Melissa confessionsofadrmom.com

    Sprinkling lots of baby dust all over you!!

    Plus? I'm having such baby fever right now that you need to have one quick so I can hold him/her :)

  54. @sogeshirts twitter.com/sogeshirts

    Fantastic. Wishing you both all the baby dust in the world. Good luck!

  55. Mad Woman adiaryofamadwoman.com

    Come rub my belly!
    I so love how you shared this, Nichole. You and your beautiful way with words. You're in my thoughts and prayers for your dream to come true.

  56. angela tiaras-and-trucks.blogspot.com

    Piles and piles of baby dust being sent your way. There is so much love in your family :) This is such exciting news!!

  57. CDG

    Here comes the baby dust! Poof!

    And I bet your cousin will send them back, with extras to spare, if you have another girl!

  58. Sara

    Nichole, I can't even tell you how much I do appreciate all of the clothes you sent for Penelope. She's worn them all for a year now and is still wearing some. Her current favorites are the crocks! I am so excited to watch your family grow. If it's a boy, send more Katie clothes to Maine! ;) hahaha.

  59. andygirl

    I'm storing all my baby dust away for me, but I do hope you get your third babe. though I don't know how cute it will be because your first two are so ridiculously cute, I don't see how any more can be left.

  60. wow! that is very exciting!

  61. Kate andthenkate.com

    So exciting. Good, good luck!

  62. Peggy

    Oh, and 1 more comment….so does this mean the microscope and slides are coming back out? :o )

  63. ksluiter

    this is such an exciting and scary detour…you know I am praying for you guys.

    also? can we just stop a minute and comment on how fantastically adorable Katie's baby feet and hands were! oh the chubby dimples!

    And look at how she looks just like herself.

    so much happy here.

  64. Such great news!! Sending much, much baby dust your way! =D

  65. usnessie

    I will send baby dust as well!
    I love the simple style of writing, with short sentences that tell the story without being overly flowery.
    We, too, have two children and are hoping for just one… maybe two? More!

  66. Blowing some baby dust in the air, hope some lands on you! Sweet story and I so know what you mean about all those memories woven in with each thread, stitch, and button on those precious baby clothes. :>

  67. What a WONDERFUL detour to take…Baby Dust on it's way!

  68. This brought tears to my eyes. I think we are done too, but every once in a while, I get that yearning for more. Then I just come home, and it disappears. LOL

  69. JDaniel4's Mom jdaniel4smom.com

    What a wonderful adventure! I hope you have good news to share soon!

  70. Stacey staceysmotheringmoments.com

    This is such a sweet post. I'm sending lots of baby dust your way!

  71. I love all those memories contained in things you can’t bear to part with.

    Good luck!

  72. Kristy pampersandpinot.com

    You can't get rid of all of it! Save a few for always. I still have little outfits of mine in a hope chest that my mom saved. I have done the same with my son.

  73. Jane ruledbybells.blogspot.com

    Wow, that was lovely. I completely relate to the items you will keep forever. My "babies" are 14 and 16 and I still have, and will always have, their Winnie the Pooh crib bedding. I really enjoyed how lovingly you spoke of your aunt. I am so glad she was there with you. What a lovely story (yes, I know I used lovely twice and lovingly once, but there was such a soulful well, loveliness, to this story that I couldn't help myself).
    Good luck with your detour!

  74. Oh!!! I'm so jealous…I want just one more (but I already have 4!!) Yay for you guys…I'll send baby-makin' thoughts your way :) BTW- that is SUCH a cute picture, too!!

  75. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Hold on to those clothes! I'm crossing my fingers that Penny will one day be a big sister!
    We thought of you guys at least a million times when we were in Tahoe this past weekend!
    We miss you and love you so much.

  76. Aww.. that is so exciting for you and your family! :)

  77. Mandyland inmandyland.com

    I'm sending so much baby dust, you'll be sneezing for months!

    I know, I know…I'm supposed to give you some concrit, but I just can't. My hands are too happy and excited for you to type anything other than good wishes.

  78. bywordofmouth

    More people who will grow up to be like you … how blessed this world will be :)

  79. Tonya lettersforlucas.com

    Sending lots of baby dust and warm wishes your way!

    I have saved all of my favorite clothes that Lucas has outgrown too, but I'm hoping our #2 will be a girl. :)

  80. Lots of love and baby vibes to yall. A baby couldn't ask for a better and more loving family.

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