Missed Kisses

I am so absolutely grateful that I am able to stay home with my children while they are small.  I appreciate this opportunity to be with them day in and day out, for every smile, all of the giggles, and the constant changes.

But today?  Today has not been fun.

Since early this morning, one of my children has been crying at any given moment.  And at times, they’ve cried in chorus.  I’m not sure what’s going on.  But I do know that I feel like I’m going a bit crazy.

It’s a vicious circle I think…they cry, and I get tense and impatient, which they pick up on, and they cry more.  Now they are both finally napping and here I sit. Crying.

There are times when I don’t handle things as well as I could and that guilt always creeps up on me, takes up residence in my heart, and gets cozy when they sleep. 

An example?  In order to go anywhere, we have to pass a park that Katie always points out.  She waves and blows kisses to the park EVERY TIME we pass it.  It’s so cute that we’ve actually video taped it so that we never forget the innocence and happiness that she radiates in that moment.

Well, today on the way home from swimming lessons, she was exhausted and didn’t notice when we passed the park until we were about a mile past it.  Then came the tears and the pleas to turn the car around so that she could blow kisses.  It would have taken me 4 additional minutes to indulge her, but I drove on, telling her that we had to get home for lunch and she would have to make up for it tomorrow. 

We came home and she cried for a half an hour.  Now, I’m not a novice, I know when I’m being played and that wasn’t the case.  She was genuinely heartbroken and the sobbing was out of control.  Then, Matthew, the sensitive soul that he is, began crying in a show of solidarity and it all just felt overwhelming.

So now I’m sitting here, regretting the way I handled it.  And I’m thinking that in that moment, I wasn’t really present.  I was going through a list in my head of all of the things that I needed to do.  I just shrugged off something that was important to her.  Something that would have been so easy to remedy.

When she wakes up?  We’re getting in the car.


  1. Eileen bringingupbronwyn.com

    That is so sweet that she blows kisses everytime.

    Don't beat yourself up. The fact that you are willing to get back in the car to go by the park once she wakes up shows what an amazing mama you are!

    The crying days are the worst. I have no clue what I would have done if I had a colicky baby.

  2. The Sweetest thesweetest3.com/

    Oh, jeez. They really know how to push us to the limits, don't they? Even if it is legit. Don't be so hard on yourself- my guess is that by this afternoon she won't even remember the tears. And if she does, mini-traumas like this make her emotionally stronger.

  3. Aww, this is precious… and so real.

    I have days like this, where I don't really know what is going on… I know that I'm probably making it worse, and I have no idea how to fix it.

    I hope your return trip to the park is just what she needs. Wish I could give you a hug, and have that be just what you need.

    Tomorrow will be a better day. :)

  4. Jamie allmylooseends.com

    A day of crying is enough to make anyone a little bit loco. I hope your sweet pea is happy with her park drive by this afternoon.

  5. Disappointment is part of life too. I would feel the same as you did, wishing that I had handled it better. But at the same time not every one of our children's wishes needs to be indulged.
    Tomorrow is another day and it will be a cheery one.

  6. We've all been there. Poor sweet girl and poor mommy at her wit's end. It makes for a troublesome combination sometimes but other times? It's blowing kisses at the park.

  7. Allison @ Alli n Son alli-n-son.com

    Oh thy mom guilt. It has a way of sneaking up on you doesn't it? You are doing a great job!

  8. you are such a wonderful momma. I really admire the mom's who can "read" their kids and know when they need to show that they understand. You do that. It's beautiful.

  9. Barb secondchancemoon.com

    You can't beat yourself up about that. Awesome that you did stop to realize you had missed something. Us moms are amazing!

  10. kris prettyalltrue.com

    I hate those days when guilt "creeps in and gets cozy."

    And I hate the days when my own stress and vulnerability prevents me from being really present in the moment that is now.

    But those days happen. If all the moments of a life were fabulous? How would we know which ones to cherish?

  11. Lyndsey Bustos

    Well did you go back and blow kisses? I can just see the light that radiates from her gorgeous smile! Yep Mommy Guilt is serious stuff! Good thing Katie rarely asks for something!

  12. ohmygoodness that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard. and you know what? you're a good momma. you are. don't get too hard on yourself.

  13. That's a tough one. i probably would have kept driving too. They are so delicate though, aren't they! Don't kick yourself – we all have those days. I know i did yesterday. Today is redeeming itself though – so far.

  14. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    It really is so sweet. I'm so glad that we caught it on video.

    Yes, the crying days are so tough. They were bad enough before Matthew was born, because they are so few and far between. But now, I have his needs to meet too, so there are times when I feel like I'm going a bit crazy.

  15. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Yes, I think that a little bit of disappointment can be healthy.

    What upset me was that I acted without thinking. Know what I mean? If I had been truly paying attention, I could have handled it differently and more compassionately.

  16. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    That's exactly it! I felt that I made it worse.

    The return trip was exactly what she needed. She was so happy, I was relieved, and she also scored a vanilla milkshake. It was a happy afternoon. :)

  17. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    So, so happy!
    And I scored lots of hugs and kisses after.

  18. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Today was a much cheerier day.
    I think that there are days that are just the perfect storm. Overtired kid, short-fused mommy, summer heat…all came together at one time yesterday.
    Thank goodness we get a clean slate every morning!

  19. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    The blowing kisses part is my favorite.

  20. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I was thinking about it and I wonder if we have to experience mom guilt while they're young so we're hardened to it when they're teens? ;)

    And thank you.

  21. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Thank you, Katie. That's exactly it…I could see that it really meant something to her. She wasn't trying to manipulate me (she's done it before, so I know the difference). She was genuinely heartbroken.

    And thank you. I hope that one day my kids tell me that they knew that I truly cared about their joy.

  22. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Yes, being a mom is pretty amazing.
    I'm so incredibly grateful for the opportunity. Even when I'm not at my best. ;)

  23. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I just love you.
    Thank you for totally getting me.

  24. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    We did go back.
    And she got a milkshake.

    You are so right…she rarely asks for anything. So when she does, I'm a total sucker.

  25. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I'll have to post the video one day. Honestly, it's adorable.

    Thank you for your sweet words.

  26. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Each day truly is a new beginning, especially when they are still so little.
    Thank goodness for that.
    I love the feeling of having a clean slate.

  27. DadStreet DadStreet.com

    I think the fact that you "got it" afterwards is what's important. You're doing an amazing thing for Katie now…You are validating her. Something so big for her and yet so little for you…To you (to us) the "bigger picture" stuff was/is pressing. However, for her an extra 5 minutes to turn around was HUGE! I think the real loss, the loss of validation would've occurred had you not thought about it afterwards. You didn't blow her off…not her feelings…and the fact that you're validating her will instill confidence, love, and integrity in her among many other things at such a young age.

  28. Oh this makes me want to cry. I hate when you do something that is so seemingly innocent, but it breaks their hearts. I'd get in the car, too.


  29. Your blog beautifully captures the joys of mothering and the awe and mystery of children. I love reading it, though I admit I'm happy to see moments of frustration expressed too because that's certainly a part of it all as well.

    I think you might enjoy a story about much of this and more at http://www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com. I hope you will take a peek. I will be back to peek at yours.

    Thanks for sharing,

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