I Am Just That Classy

Okay, we’ve established that I’m a hypocrite.  So, I won’t rehash that for you now.

But the other day, when were out grabbing lunch, I reached my all-time low.

Katie knows that Craig and I drink.  She’s seen us having beer or wine and she understands that those drinks are for adults and has never said much about it.

But now, she is getting old enough to ask questions.

I was having a cup of soda. (No, I’m not proud of that.  Yes, I know, chemicals, blah, blah, blah.  I have a soda about twice a month.)

Photo by Angry Julie*

So, when I took a drink from my straw, Katie asked what I was drinking.

This is where the hypocrite in me shines.

She’s never had soda and she won’t on my watch.  Nope.  Not gonna happen.

So, I did what any smart mother would do.  I lied. (Yes, I have a history of lying.)

Oh, but I didn’t just lie.  I told a lie that has haunted me since.

I told her it was beer.

Of all of the things that I could have said, why did my immediate response have to be beer?

Fast forward.

We’re out again, having lunch (yes, we eat out far too often) and in the middle of a crowded restaurant, Katie questions (which felt much more like an accusation thankyouverymuch), “Mommy’s having BEER?”

So, now my daughter thinks that I am just that high class–drinking my beer in a cup with a straw.  In public.

I am just that classy.

*Thanks for the photo, Julie!


  1. babybabylemon babybabylemon.com

    I've been debating my soda habit for a little while and now that Spencer has started reaching for my glass I am wondering if maybe I shouldn't just give it up for good.

  2. hahahhaa… nice. That's seriously funny! My older brother is super strict/religious/uptight… they were out to dinner last week with their kids and my nephew asked what was in the bottles in the bar (because he has never seen alcohol before) and my brother??? He responded "poison!" He told my sweet, 7-year-old nephew, that all the people who were ordering that were drinking poison and that people who drink poison go to jail. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Good God. No wonder we don't get along. I am probably Satan's spawn in his eyes. My tattooed, punk-rock-listening, vegetarian-eating, booze-drinking ass is going STRAIGHT TO HELL!

  3. I think you can put this right by telling her it is in fact called root beer.

  4. Melissa

    My step mother in law made me twitch this weekend. Not only was she sharing her drink with my 17 month old (we do very little drink/utensil sharing, you know, bacteria and all) but she was sharing her ginger ale!!!! My child only drinks milk and water. What part of that was she not understanding! The 17 month old is too young to realize we are all drinking something different. I know it is coming. I hope she really likes the clear stuff mommy drinks and not the brown stuff daddy drinks.

  5. kris prettyalltrue.com

    Beer through a straw?

    You make me giggle.

    That you would rather your daughter think you had beer than soda . . .

    I am all snorty with laughter over here.

    I hate soda.

    Love you, classy one.

    And if we ever meet for that beer?

    You gotta know I'm bringing straws.

    Hee hee!

  6. Roxane roxanesdays.com

    I have the same issue with giving "soda" to my kids. I can't say they've NEVER had it, but good for you! Those things are awful and once you start, it's hard to stop. I would know :)

    This story was seeeeeeriously funny. And, hey! There are worse things than getting your booze out of route 44 Styrofoam cups, so you're in the clear. I SO am not talking about me!…

  7. MamaOnDaGo mamaondago.blogspot.com/

    The pressure of trying to come up with something responsible to say to a child. You might have to stop drinking from a straw.

  8. Sunshine L.

    One time when it was just me and Elizabeth (daddy was traveling for work), we were ordering pizza (She was 2-ish). While waiting for it to be ready, I grabbed an Orange Sunkist for me and a water for Elizabeth. She wanted to try it. I figured, eh, why not – we had orange or grape soda as a treat when we were kids. She took one taste – didn't even swallow – and it came right out of her mouth down her front! She DID NOT like the carbonation!!
    I figured this actually is not a bad thing – so now I tell her (2 + years later) – that what mommy is drinking is soda and reminder that she doesn't like it! And that works!! She's recently tried seltzer and didn't like that either. Whew! 'Cause I am a diet pepsi/coke addict and I'd have a hard time hiding that from her!

  9. Funky Mama Bird funkymamabird.com

    I would probably have said the same thing, but yeah beer through a straw is, um, odd.

  10. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    See Sunshine's awesome idea below!

  11. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Sunshine! That's genius!
    I'm going to try that with club soda.
    I'm a wimp–I'm not willing to risk her actually liking orange soda. ;)

  12. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I know! It's like a frat house!

  13. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Oh, no, I never, not even for a single minute, thought you were speaking from experience. ;)
    Route 44 cups…I am still laughing.

  14. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Can you be sure that they aren't just regular straws? I'm thinking we need to try Crazy Straws!

  15. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I would probably come unhinged in that situation! How did you handle it?

  16. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I'm still loving Sunshine's idea below…

  17. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Oh. My.
    Poison? You are so lying!
    Please tell me that you're lying!

  18. BringUpBee bringingupbronwyn.com

    Actually I've sort of tried it. I was drinking sparkling water one day and she kept reaching for my cup. She's pretty good at swallowing water out of a cup, so I let her try it. She just opened her mouth and let it all fall out!

  19. brandy

    Haha – that's funny!

  20. hah! I don't think it was that bad of a lie. my uncle told me all sorts of fantastical lies that I full on believed much longer than I should have.

    and just think, you're embarrassed now, but just wait until she's 13 and everything you say will be embarrassing.

  21. Sherri oldtweener.blogspot.com/

    Oh, too funny! Why is it that the first thing we think of isn't always the smartest? You may find family members checking your purse for a flask….and yes, it would be classy to drink beer with a straw!

  22. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I know, right!? And I wanted this child to talk!
    I can remember the day when you were teaching her signs!

  23. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I am trying to brace myself for the day when my mere breathing will embarrass her.
    I can almost hear her asking, "Why do you have to breathe in and then out and then in again? Why???"

  24. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    Okay, you win the prize for making me laugh the hardest today.
    I actually have a flask that I had totally forgotten about.
    I'll be dusting that off asap!

  25. Nichole inthesesmallmoments.com

    I knew she was a smart baby!

  26. SkyWaitress skywaitress.com

    As Kris said, the fact that you would rather her think you're drinking beer than soda? Hi-freaking-larious.

    I also am not a big fan of soda and have grand plans to make sure my kids don't get any for many years of their lives.

    We'll see how that pans out.

  27. Lyndsey

    Nice Nichole!!! Beer in a straw! I agree with Sunshine..Max has had a sip or two of soda and spit it out in disgust! He knows it's soda and we rarely buy it. I just tell him that it's not for kids because it's junk food and if he wants to grow big and strong like his Dad he shouldn't drink it and that it's bad for you. He's buying it now…but I just know he will drink it at my sister in laws house!!!!!!

  28. Adrienne nopointsforstyle.com

    Niiice. Next time? Add a brown paper bag. K is for klassy!

  29. susie newdaynewlesson.com

    I would haver just said soda nah nah nah nah nah it's only for adults….

  30. Natalie mommyofamonster.com

    That's just awesome – I love your classiness! And sometimes moms do have to lie…I told Tater that the cookies had veggies in them yesterday so he wouldn't want them. And I don't feel bad about it ;)

  31. ksluiter

    ha ha ha! I love that your knee-jerk reaction was to tell her it was beer! because who DOESN'T drink beer from a straw?

  32. Too funny!I managed to keep soda from mine for a long time. It’s harder now that they’re older. I actually just quit drinking it to help remove temptation. Because I love them that much. Now let’s see if they survive Mommy’s caffiene withdrawls. I may have to fall off the wagon. Because I love them that much. lol

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